HOSPITAL, “THE ENDORPHINATOR” AND MORE TREATMENT

Welllll…..after my last post, I forgive myself for whining! Three days after posting that Blog, I found myself being admitted to Scripps Encinitas Hospital for what ended up being a 4 night “confinement.”

And now, it’s taken me SO long to update my blog, it seems like old news.

On the evening of Sunday, October 3rd, I found myself heading to the Emergency Room. I know I was feeling crummy, because I had my husband drive…I usually do ALL the driving. I had been feeling progressively worse throughout the day, and with an increasing fever, the on-call oncologist recommended I head in. I was given a CT scan, which revealed that my right lung was not functioning at all, and appeared to be surrounded or filled with fluid. I was scheduled for 2 procedures the next day: a bronchoscopy to look inside the lung, and a chest tube insertion to withdraw fluid. It was a LONG night, with my not being placed in a room until around 2 AM.

The bronchoscopy revealed nothing abnormal in the lung; all the fluid was in the pleural cavity (the pleura is a sheath that surrounds the lungs.) I’d already had the pleural cavity drained 4 times before, by a simpler procedure, called a thoracentesis. Normally, I could feel increasing pressure which told me I needed to get the fluid drained, but I hadn’t experienced that sensation this time. Within 2 hours of having the chest tube inserted, I noticed an improvement in my breathing and my energy. That night (Monday) I also had a transfusion because my hemoglobin measurement was low.

I credit the nurses with working with each other after my first night to coordinate the timing of IV hook-ups and changes with vital sign checks. I had many WONDERFUL nurses (RNs and LVNs), and then there was “Bad-attitude Anna,” who acted like everything she did was an imposition. I discovered that venting to my RN resulted in having me removed from Anna’s “care!” There is evidently no reason to put up with an LVN with an attitude!

Contrasting wonderfully with Anna was the staff member (nurse?), named Ben who wheeled me from emergency to my room on the 2nd floor. We conversed during the short (5 minute) trip through the halls and elevator, and he shared that he would be celebrating his birthday that evening, and that his wife would have a homemade carrot-cake, with homemade cream cheese frosting waiting for him at home. Of course, I commented on how wonderful that sounded…but little did I suspect that he would seek me out the next day to bring me a piece of his birthday cake! I think I made some of his co-workers jealous!

Another high point was a visit by a “Pet Ambassador,” an English Bulldog named “That One,” who was dressed up for Halloween as “The Endorphin-ator.” Isn’t he adorable!

As a result of my hospital stay, I got several “2nd opinions.” My right lung did not fully re-inflate after the fluid was removed, but that has evidently been the case after the prior thoracentesis procedures. My lung re-inflated by about 75%. This is sometimes called a trapped lung; the accumulation of fluid in the pleural space causes the lung to compress, and not re-expand, even after the fluid is removed. Four different doctors are still unable to come to a consensus as to the source of the blood I have been coughing up, since the fluid is building up in the area OUTSIDE the lung . Whatever the cause, surgery isn’t a reasonable investigative or corrective option, because I have active cancer.

The chest tube was removed Wednesday night 10/6, after draining about 1.8 liters from the right pleural space, with an understanding that the likelihood is high that the fluid will re-accumulate; it’s just a matter of when. I was told that if the pleural space refilled soon, I might consider having a semi-permanent pleural catheter (a PleureX catheter) installed, which would enable me to drain the fluid myself. Initially, one of my doctors indicated I needed to have it done before being discharged, but my thoracic surgeon fortunately recommended otherwise. This was something I need some time to digest and accept.

I was released Thursday afternoon, craving FRESH air, home-style cooking and undisturbed sleep.

Upon my discharge, I started keeping a daily log of my health, because I had noticed how hard it was to report on the chronology of symptoms based only on my memory. I felt wonderful and renewed for about a week. Unfortunately, within that time, I started observing that some of the symptoms were returning, starting with some wheezing and coughing (of blood.)

This past Thursday, two weeks after being discharged from the hospital, I had to have another liter of fluid drained from the pleural space. Fortunately, that fluid will be useful in determining the next line of treatment. A “cell block” spun from the fluid will be sent to a lab to look for tumor markers, which will enable a more targeted approach to my next chemo med. Not all patients with lung cancer exhibit the same tumor markers, and the presence of some markers indicates a stronger likelihood of response to specific chemo treatments.

I’ve spent all or part of the last 4 nights sleeping in the recliner. Last night, I was very discouraged; as the wheezing and fluid build-up was severe enough that I struggled to sleep even in the recliner…leaning against my back seems to exacerbate the problem. It’s almost a feeling of drowning in chest fluid, and the sound of fluid is audible to my husband next to me. I felt this sensation occasionally prior to going into the hospital. I finally managed to sleep for maybe 2 hours at a time (after midnight), going between the bed and the recliner. It wasn’t quite so bad on Friday, when I left a message for my oncologist, indicating I need to know who to direct my questions regarding the PleureX catheter. Unfortunately, he was out on Friday, and my symptoms worsened since then. So, the next step is to give another call to the oncologist’s office: I don’t want to wait until his usual late afternoon phone calls. I need to move ahead and get this fluid out so I can get some rest.

I wish the news was better, but I can manage to close on a humorous note. Those of you in my age group (and older) know that wearing reading glasses becomes an unfortunate necessity, as our arms get shorter and shorter (uh-huh.) It’s useful for some, including my husband, to have several pairs of glasses, as it makes it easier to find a pair when you need them. (uh-huh, yeah right…)

Well…it should work that way, but I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t hear my husband ask “where are my glasses” as he searches various rooms (in our very small house!) Unfortunately for him, he’s married to an easily amused and somewhat irreverent woman who embraces humor where it can be found. Look what I found in his office one day! I felt compelled to line them up for this snapshot, which I call “Where’s my Glasses?” (He wasn’t looking for them that day!)

LUNG CANCER WHINE

Well, PHOOEY…The best “F” word I can come up with now. I had such a wonderful time with my daughter and her family, AND her husband’s family these past few weeks, and I know I’ll be ready to share all the sweets on that later, but right now I’m “PH-n” grumpy. I know blogging right now is more like BLARFING, but if I can’t be honest here, where can I be? I guess I feel like my body is making my life a little prickly right now.

Hubby is out on a biological survey right now, and I’d normally be in creative mode, but I’m having a hard time concentrating with these flippin’ side effects.

NOTE WARNING: The following paragraphs contain details of symptoms which MAY set off the stomachs of some queasy folks (Renee, this might mean you!...I’m coughing, and it’s icky.) I share the following information 1) In order to hopefully help anyone else dealing with chemo or lung, (or other cancers), 2) to help my friends understand why I am laying a little low right now, and 3) so they can admire me for being so brave…oh, just kidding, but SEE…blogging is helping restore my humor already.

READ on, or skip forward to where you see: “SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”

NO, thank goodness I’m NOT nauseous. But, crap, this year I’ve had so many digestive and breathing issues. Something in my body has changed, possibly the lining of my stomach and lungs, but I have to be SO careful about the quantity and mixtures of food I eat, otherwise, I spend the evening like I am tonight, CONSTANTLY salivating (for over 6 hours now), belching, coughing (including some blood), and spitting so I don’t swallow a bunch of gas by repeatedly swallowing. Not being able to eat as much or as frequently as I'd need to or like to is frustrating...I'm trying NOT to lose any more weight!

The coughing up of blood is something that has been occurring for maybe 6 months, and I’ve been through various tests to determine the source, with no conclusive answers. The cancer isn’t growing, according to the scans. One possibility for the bleeding is that the chemo is attacking the “infected tissue.” I mean, I look pretty healthy, ‘tho my stamina doth sucketh. (I joined some friends on-stage at a performance recently, and I could either sing or I could dance along, but I couldn’t move AND sing! Also, I was able to play ping-pong with my daughter and granddaughters recently (short rallies), but chasing the ball REALLY took it out of me.)

I know you’d rather see a photo of my daughter or granddaughter, but I’d better get permission before going there!

Anyway, the coughing up of blood issue waxes and wanes, usually subject to treatment, but this last time it didn’t clear up before my next chemo, so I started at a disadvantage. What this means is that I sleep with a pile of about 5 or 6 pillows, and usually only on my left side. This has been the standard for MONTHS. Sleeping on my right side or back generally generates coughing. Sometimes (like last night), I have to sleep in the recliner.

Also, the coughing and spitting isn’t limited to night-time, and sometimes it’s almost spasmodic. I carry a jar/spittoon around, and I’m very self-conscious about grossing people out. The coughing, spitting, and congestion sometimes can make it VERY difficult to talk.

“SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”Between being self-conscious and having problems breathing/talking, I find myself getting a bit behind on my communications. I try to talk to my daughters and granddaughters when I can, of course, but sometimes that’s the only phone call I make during the day. I grab the time when my body decides to go along with my wishes.
So say a little prayer for my patience and my body…I KNOW this will pass, it has before, but I’m sure uncomfortable now. (I haven’t been able to paint or journal right now, and I’m working on a special video project for a friend, so nothing but photos to share for now.)

Creative Enlightenment, 101

My hair is growing back, though a bit more slowly on top, and baby-fine! I asked my friend to take pics of me this weekend. This is just one of a few nice shots she got.

I continue to follow the ebb and flow of my 3-week chemo schedule. I’m about mid-way through, feeling pretty decent, and knowing I’ll be feeling better as I approach my next treatment. It’s just wonderful to have my energy back—-to have time to feather the nest AND indulge in creativity. All the better, as I excitedly await the arrival of my older daughter, and her family, including my 2 granddaughters. Since they all live in Hawaii, I only get to see them twice a year. Yes-yes--I know, "Hawaii is a great place to visit family", but I’d rather be able to see my granddaughters every week!

Creatively, (and otherwise) I tend to work on multiple projects at each sitting, doing one step on one project, setting it aside and picking up another, and another. (It’s part of my personal “style” in other areas, and maybe not very productive!) Dream Garden was a project I started months ago, and it wasn’t working for me. After enjoying the effects of adding a MUCH larger image bit to “Pet Your Sunflowers”, I tried the same approach by adding the magazine cut-out of pink flowers flowing from the top. It helped immensely, but I was ready to move on. I’ve committed myself to posting my progressive work on my blog, so after adding a little verse to the piece, I pronounce it “complete” and am ready to turn the page of my journal.

Sleepless in Del Dios” was also started months ago when I was having nightly sleep issues. It started with doodling on black gesso, where it languished for many weeks, as I looked at the project and found NOTHING else to inspire, until I found an ad for a prescription sleep aid. Then-more waiting for inspiration, until I found the shimmering flower image from a card I’d received, followed by the tissue. Again, I consider this more of a learning experience (as in “a page of the same doodle is more cohesive than a bunch of random ones”).

I’ve wanted to delve more into digital art and use my scanner. I was THRILLED when I bought my HP ScanJet for a dollar at a local garage sale, but then found I was disappointed with the image quality when scanning 300 dpi JPEGs. While reviewing a 2005 issue of “Cloth, Paper, Scissors” (anyone else find inspiration in that publication?) I found the recommendation to scan images in as 600 dpi .tif files.

What an improvement! So now, instead of photographing my work, I’m scanning it in! AND I went back to a reference book from my Photoshop class to straighten out one of the images that had scanned crookedly! AND, while I was reviewing my class notes, I also experimented with creating a line drawing from a photographic image. Oh, yeah, AND I learned how to use my images in text to create my new banner (above: “HalfRaven.”) I am obviously easily pleased, and sense that I’ll be testing out many new techniques for working with my photos and scanned images.

I stumbled upon this link a couple of weeks back. The artist’s name is Ben Heine, and he calls his work “Pencil vs. Camera.” I’ve NEVER seen anything like this, and I sure wish I was talented enough with pen or pencil to try and emulate it, but I DO find it inspiring. I know you will too!

"There is not one blade of grass, there is not one color in this world that is not intended to make us rejoice" John Calvin

Of family and facials…

I’m slowly emerging from my chemo cocoon, having spent most of the extended weekend in bed. Monday, I was able to wield the broom upon our entry, which was more pleasurable than it might sound. The lake glinted silver and blue, the birds swooped and dove, and a hint of fall sent me in for another layer before continuing with my chore. I rewarded myself after my half-hour workout by sitting in the sun watching the holiday boaters, letting the breeze provide the perfect balance to the sun’s warmth. In spite of (or because of) my energetic start to the day, I found myself ready for a 2-hour nap before noon.

After snoozing, I was eager to start catching up on the lost hours from the previous days, but I knew I needed to pace myself. I called my Mom-in-law before heading to the market. Gloria is an active 87-year old, who still kicks butt on the pool table. (That’s her pool cue in its case in the back seat of her car.) She regularly exercises her expertise in worrying about “us kids,” so I find myself cautiously navigating the conversational waters regarding my cancer. I personally find the level of worry interesting, for one of “the faithful,” but it is a comforting thought to know she’s praying for us every evening.

Monday’s conversation was upbeat and somehow we landed on the topic of pampering ourselves, via massage, pedicures and other body treatments. I’ve been spoiled in that the only massages I’ve had have been in-home. Currently, neither massage nor pedicure costs are expenses I spring for, but it’s hardly a hardship.

One treatment we both pondered over is the facial. Call me a dinosaur, but what’s the big deal about facials? Even when my income was decent, I couldn’t get myself revved up to plop down $100+ to have someone massage stuff on my face, especially when I have a masseuse who can do my whole body for less than that. I mean, how many nerve endings are there in my face, and how long can the “facial high” last? I’m still holding the gift certificate one sweetly-intentioned friend gave me 2 years ago for a “chemical peel!” I know they don’t use battery acid, but this doesn’t sound like anything I would want to do to any part of my body, let alone my face. Of course, someone with a cupboard full of brown rice and quinoa is probably not likely to do anything to themselves that has the word “chemical” so obviously involved.

At any rate, it was a sweet conversation, bonding with Gloria. (I’ve only been married to her son for a little over 2 years.) I lost my Mom last February 20th (2009)…less than 2 days later, Gloria lost her husband, Willie, of 50+ years. My Mom had been suffering from Alzheimer’s, but her trip down what was expected to be a long, slow path was halted by a stroke. Willie’s passing was not unexpected, as he’d been suffering from congestive heart failure for several years. Nevertheless, last year was a tough one for Gloria.

So, it was heart-warming to capture this moment last June, 4 months after the passing of my father-in-law. My brother-and-sis-in-law like to add a little friendly competition to our gatherings, via the game of “washers.” Everyone has their own style, and Gloria’s funny-bone was certainly tickled by the delivery of my sis-in-law’s sister, Lollie. I can’t watch this video without smiling!

Back to Monday evening, where I treated myself to a personal massage of my legs and feet, using only essential oils and 100% natural lotion (all recognizable ingredients) while viewing “national treasures” on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW. The older I get, the simpler my simple pleasures get.

Finally, I’d like to share another artistically inspiring link. Susan Tuttle’s images require no words. I’m MUCH more tempted to spend $130 on her “Visual Poetry” (digital alteration) workshops than on a facial!

Update on my lung cancer treatment

As promised (or threatened) I’m temporarily (for today) switching my blog post back to the subject of my original posts…the status of my lung cancer. While I’ve tried to avoid making my life all about my cancer, I do want to keep my friends updated as to the results of treatment. I’ve enjoyed delving into new artistic pursuits, and it’s been a lovely experience being able to share this with you. It helps me take my mind off some of the more difficult aspects of my cancer.

When unpleasant side effects of cancer or treatment take control of my body, it can be difficult to stay positive. The last few days have been like that. I’ve noticed an increase in pain and pressure in my back and side…issues that previously arose last winter (2009)after 10 months of treatment…which ended up being indicators that the cancer was back, after receiving a clean scan in late October.

Extreme congestion, coughing and shortness of breath have recently severely impacted my ability to sleep, to get the rest I need, to refresh through sleep, that most welcome respite from these stresses. Being tired hurts the spirit. It makes it too easy to not worry about the future.

When we talked to the oncologist last month, we were told that I would likely switch off of my current treatment after my next scan, which occurred last week. Eight treatments of Taxotere is about the max that most folks can handle, and I’ve just completed eight. The side effects become cumulatively worse, and the med becomes less effective.

We (my husband and I) were pleasantly surprised to hear yesterday that my cancer is mostly stable, with a bit less metabolic activity (showing a slight reduction in cancerous activity.) So, we jointly made the decision to continue on with the next 2treatments of Taxotere, which will make a total of 10 treatments. I had my 9th treatment today, which means I’ll be out of it for about 4-5 days, beginning this Friday.

During those down-days, my activities consist of the bare minimum: living in my PJs, and basically only sleeping and eating (OK, and toilet activities, of course.) My appetite seems to hold steady, amazingly, considering I’m not really burning any calories. I sleep, get up to eat, then go back to bed or to the recliner. I’m realizing that my attempts to downplay the impact on my life, (calling it a mini-vacation) have made it difficult for friends to realize how this impacts the usually energetic person that they know. Sometimes, even holding a book or watching a movie is more that I can handle. It IS an interesting experience for someone who has always been so active, but it does pass.

I sometimes have weird food cravings; last time it was Corn Flakes, which I haven’t purchased in YEARS! I’ve also craved canned chili and grilled ham and cheese. Who knows what it will be this time!

Anyway, the basic news is the cancerous activity is very slightly reduced, but considered to be holding steady. I can appreciate that! Funny, how not having the energy to do housework REALLY makes me appreciate doing housework when I come out on the other side of the chemo funk! Looking forward to some serious dusting come Tuesday!

Bring it on!

My Creative Discovery Voyage

It looks like it’s been about 2 weeks since my last post, so I can’t feel TOO guilty about overwhelming the inboxes of my friends with pleas to read my most recent post. I know some folks post almost daily, but I can neither get comfortable with nor manage it. However, inspiration struck yesterday, after discovering a magazine called “Artful Blogging.” These days, it seems like I can find artistic inspiration most anywhere, but it usually directs me to get out paint, papers, glue, scissors and photos.

Recently, driving in the city of Escondido, I caught a glimpse of this funky old gift shop, which is housed in an old metal building. All the buildings around it are fairly new, so the gift shop seemed to stand out, especially (to me) because it was COVERED in morning glories. I made a point of heading over there early the next morning, when the light was better…something about morning glories just makes me smile.


“Picnic in the Valley of Flaming Geraniums is a little (5” x 7”) mixed-media piece I finished recently. I started with a gel transfer of a photo of geraniums from my yard, then layered with acrylic paint and art papers. Up until the addition of the bright yellow and orange papers I felt lost as to where I wanted the piece to go…the colors were putting me to sleep. The colorful addition of the papers gave me my 2nd “YES, YES!” creative moment, and also blessed me with the title, which somehow made me giggle. Of course, what is a picnic without ants? They were added with my Staedtler pigment liner pens.

This last piece was one of the quickest projects I’ve done. I’d been sitting on the background for some time, a result of my having decided to try and use up paint from one project by starting a new background. When I received an invitation to a house-warming party for a friend, I pulled the background, and added a “house” created from classified ads for real estate. After adding the recycled magazine pages (along the bottom and the clouds in the sky), I stippled more sky to calm that screaming yellow, added a photo from my friend's wedding, and used the Staedler pen to draw in the tree. I’m not sure it really goes with my friends decorating, but I had fun making it! (I've posted a small image, since she's kind of a private person.)

I’m enjoying sharing this Creative Discovery Voyage with friends who I’ve known for a while, as well as those who I’ve met more recently through these mediums. For all, I’d like to share links to other artists (no matter the medium) who inspire me.
Lisa Bebi is an artist-friend-of-a-friend. I first “met” her on Facebook, through her art, and am pleased to I know the possibility exists to actually meet her F2F, since she does live here in San Diego County.

Some day, (when I’m back in the working world and not paying COBRA rates for health insurance!) I’d love to take one of Lisa’s workshops…I’m most interested in her “Paintover” workshops, in which she has her students use magazine photos, personal photos and paint. Sounds simple, but I find her work whimsically inspiring. Maybe Lisa can help me cross off one of the items on my mental Creative-To-Do list. "Entering an Art Challenge" spooks me a bit, but the incentive to win a piece of Lisa’s art might help me overcome that fear!

Check out Lisa Bebi's page!

On a personal note, I’ve got a PET scan coming up on September 1st, and expect to get the results the following Tuesday. That means that I’ll “get back to business” in an upcoming blog, and get all my friends updated as to the status of my treatment. Until then, go out and make your own beauty!

Art Journal pages

I spent a few creatively self-indulgent days last week, but guilt hasn’t overtaken me, because I haven’t had the opportunity to repeat those efforts this week. (I DID work on a video project for a friend’s birthday, but it was a COMPLETELY different effort.)

When my hubby told me he wanted to head out on an overnighter in Idylwild with herpetological (snakes and lizards, for you non-scientists) buddies, I made MY plans to let the creative juices flow.

The above journal page, which I’m tentatively titling “Pet Your Sunflowers" was a project which was languishing, due to some over-thinking which my friend Suzanne accuses me of. (OK, others have done the same…) I’ve heard many art journalists finish a page in a night. HUH??? I finally gave up on trying to layer various yellow acrylic paints on the sunflowers in an attempt to block the blue sky background from peeking through, and turned my attentions to my growing stash of art papers and images. (This prompted another note-to-self: “When stuck, change mediums.”)

After adding the hand image, topped by some tissue, I tapped into my fabric stash. When I laid those apple circles down, I experienced an immediate “ah-ha…YES!” moment. (I’ve since experience another similar moment, but that project isn’t done yet.) I’m happy with the illusion of depth here, and the fact that my eye wants to wander over the image.

“Words shift Shape” was the 2nd journal page project I attempted. The background was laid out in my favorite color combo: butter-cream yellow and rose. I’ve collected words & phrases for years (goes back to my song-writing days), and I imagine I’ll turn to that list for future projects, as others turn to their stash of papers or other ephemera. I figure I’ll have a lot of fun with the “jar” rubber stamp in future projects.

In the meantime, I’m having creative withdrawls…hoping to indulge tonight.