My Creative Discovery Voyage

It looks like it’s been about 2 weeks since my last post, so I can’t feel TOO guilty about overwhelming the inboxes of my friends with pleas to read my most recent post. I know some folks post almost daily, but I can neither get comfortable with nor manage it. However, inspiration struck yesterday, after discovering a magazine called “Artful Blogging.” These days, it seems like I can find artistic inspiration most anywhere, but it usually directs me to get out paint, papers, glue, scissors and photos.

Recently, driving in the city of Escondido, I caught a glimpse of this funky old gift shop, which is housed in an old metal building. All the buildings around it are fairly new, so the gift shop seemed to stand out, especially (to me) because it was COVERED in morning glories. I made a point of heading over there early the next morning, when the light was better…something about morning glories just makes me smile.


“Picnic in the Valley of Flaming Geraniums is a little (5” x 7”) mixed-media piece I finished recently. I started with a gel transfer of a photo of geraniums from my yard, then layered with acrylic paint and art papers. Up until the addition of the bright yellow and orange papers I felt lost as to where I wanted the piece to go…the colors were putting me to sleep. The colorful addition of the papers gave me my 2nd “YES, YES!” creative moment, and also blessed me with the title, which somehow made me giggle. Of course, what is a picnic without ants? They were added with my Staedtler pigment liner pens.

This last piece was one of the quickest projects I’ve done. I’d been sitting on the background for some time, a result of my having decided to try and use up paint from one project by starting a new background. When I received an invitation to a house-warming party for a friend, I pulled the background, and added a “house” created from classified ads for real estate. After adding the recycled magazine pages (along the bottom and the clouds in the sky), I stippled more sky to calm that screaming yellow, added a photo from my friend's wedding, and used the Staedler pen to draw in the tree. I’m not sure it really goes with my friends decorating, but I had fun making it! (I've posted a small image, since she's kind of a private person.)

I’m enjoying sharing this Creative Discovery Voyage with friends who I’ve known for a while, as well as those who I’ve met more recently through these mediums. For all, I’d like to share links to other artists (no matter the medium) who inspire me.
Lisa Bebi is an artist-friend-of-a-friend. I first “met” her on Facebook, through her art, and am pleased to I know the possibility exists to actually meet her F2F, since she does live here in San Diego County.

Some day, (when I’m back in the working world and not paying COBRA rates for health insurance!) I’d love to take one of Lisa’s workshops…I’m most interested in her “Paintover” workshops, in which she has her students use magazine photos, personal photos and paint. Sounds simple, but I find her work whimsically inspiring. Maybe Lisa can help me cross off one of the items on my mental Creative-To-Do list. "Entering an Art Challenge" spooks me a bit, but the incentive to win a piece of Lisa’s art might help me overcome that fear!

Check out Lisa Bebi's page!

On a personal note, I’ve got a PET scan coming up on September 1st, and expect to get the results the following Tuesday. That means that I’ll “get back to business” in an upcoming blog, and get all my friends updated as to the status of my treatment. Until then, go out and make your own beauty!

Art Journal pages

I spent a few creatively self-indulgent days last week, but guilt hasn’t overtaken me, because I haven’t had the opportunity to repeat those efforts this week. (I DID work on a video project for a friend’s birthday, but it was a COMPLETELY different effort.)

When my hubby told me he wanted to head out on an overnighter in Idylwild with herpetological (snakes and lizards, for you non-scientists) buddies, I made MY plans to let the creative juices flow.

The above journal page, which I’m tentatively titling “Pet Your Sunflowers" was a project which was languishing, due to some over-thinking which my friend Suzanne accuses me of. (OK, others have done the same…) I’ve heard many art journalists finish a page in a night. HUH??? I finally gave up on trying to layer various yellow acrylic paints on the sunflowers in an attempt to block the blue sky background from peeking through, and turned my attentions to my growing stash of art papers and images. (This prompted another note-to-self: “When stuck, change mediums.”)

After adding the hand image, topped by some tissue, I tapped into my fabric stash. When I laid those apple circles down, I experienced an immediate “ah-ha…YES!” moment. (I’ve since experience another similar moment, but that project isn’t done yet.) I’m happy with the illusion of depth here, and the fact that my eye wants to wander over the image.

“Words shift Shape” was the 2nd journal page project I attempted. The background was laid out in my favorite color combo: butter-cream yellow and rose. I’ve collected words & phrases for years (goes back to my song-writing days), and I imagine I’ll turn to that list for future projects, as others turn to their stash of papers or other ephemera. I figure I’ll have a lot of fun with the “jar” rubber stamp in future projects.

In the meantime, I’m having creative withdrawls…hoping to indulge tonight.

Creative pursuits

I THINK this will be a relatively quick post (given that it’s ME who’s writing. Who knows, my fingers seem to have a life of their own.)

Having time off in between chemo treatments has afforded me a chance to pursue some new creative pursuits. I’ve been musically inclined for years, but will admit to laziness about pursuing mastery of instruments. I’ve got a half-way decent voice, and performed for a number of years, but it was too much work. I've exercised well-received efforts in song-writing, but it’s hard to go anywhere with it without backing myself up on an instrument (other than the kazoo.)

I love color, and have been told I have an unusual color sense. (Sometimes, the word “unusual” covers an effort to be polite…I’ll choose to take it otherwise.) A friend and several magazine articles turned me on to art journaling, and one thing has led to another, as I’ve dipped my creative toes into drawing, painting with acrylics, and other mixed media efforts.

These are newborn efforts of maybe 2-3 months, and sharing these publicly is kinda scary, but one of my recent projects (while in Hawaii) was focused on setting aside fear as it relates to creative experimentation. It’s hard, as the perfectionist in my lays out obstacles before I even try! Dumb! So, tho’ I sat down to share another image, I’ll share my “Fear Has NO Place” journal page first. The story is that I’ve wanted to experiment with drawing faces, but wouldn’t try because I didn’t want to deal with the anticipated first failures. So, YES, the gal in the image looks like she has a moustache, but that unfortunately is reality for many of us anyway! I also found that I was being too damn prissy about not getting paint, ink and art mediums on my fingers, so that’s another of the fears listed. I’m not sure that the page is done, but it’s fine for now. (Big step, Linda!)

The other image is one I’m very happy with. I call it “Postcard from a Yard.” I started by creating a background using gel transfer of a photo I took of an iris. (If you see text out of place in my blog, I’m doing battle with Argentine ants…you don’t EVEN want to hear the words running around in my HEAD!) Anyway, I also used a photo my hubby took in Hawaii (he didn’t know he’d captured a beautiful spider web!), an image from a magazine, gauze from the medicine chest, and a free-be art paper (the postcard.) Added a bit of acrylic paint and some ink…and voila. I think this one is done!

Now, I’m on a roll, and had to play around with a photo of my lovely head (I changed my profile pic). OK, Linda, do some housework. (I HAVE been in bed for 4 days, and DO have some catchin’ up to do!)

Aloha, from California

Aloha from California! I'm getting re-settled after a 9-day trip to see da’ family in Hawaii. This gave me 7 days on the Big Island, and 2 days to travel.

I belched out a blog of frustration upon arriving in Hawaii and finding several problems with my rental. Most of you didn’t get my usual e-mail notifying (or warning) you about my post. You didn’t miss anything uplifting. Since I rent little apartments, relocating isn’t so easy, but I’m glad they were able to find another home available a few miles away, where I stayed for one night until the property managers could clean the rental and restore power to the refrigerator. I did lose some food that I couldn’t keep cold enough to trust eating (including a scarily warm Costco-sized package of chicken thighs), but most of the rest of the trip was much better!

It’s tough only seeing my granddaughters 2 times a year. At 2 years and 4 years old their changes are rapid and profound. Hearing those little voices call out “Nana!!” with excitement when they see me is THRILLING, though! We made as many memories as time and energy allowed…a couple of beach trips, a hike at the north tip of the island, and sharing some fun, goofy family times including prolonged games of “Babies”
(just add imagination)
and endless (painfully so to adults) Knock-knock jokes. (You don’t want to get me started.)

The afore-mentioned hike, to Polulu Valley really tested my endurance. We were at least able to rest on this lovely bench at the bottom before starting back up the trail. I think it was good for both my younger daughter, Karen, and I to change places, as she did a GREAT job taking care of me on the way up!

I did indulge in some solo time, including attending my first luau. I’d never been to one before, as I thought of them as too commercial, but was referred to “the most authentic luau on the island” through a young local fellow I met. I’m GLAD I went! Here’s a link to an abbreviated clip of some of the dancing…loved the power of the male dancers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYo64_PCSyE

I was also able to spend an art day with my older daughter, Lauren, thanks to her mother-in-law taking care of the little ones. Lauren showed talent in sketching (particularly facial portraits) from an early age. What with the responsibilities of raising little ones and limited space in her little house, she doesn’t have much of an opportunity to indulge her creative side. It was a wonderful day for both of us, and it FLEW by! The screened-in lanai at my rental proved a lovely space to indulge.

On my last night in Hawaii, the family met at Bubba Gumps (which my younger granddaughter pronounces as “Bubba Dumps.) While it might seem funny to eat at a chain when in Hawaii, it was my 2nd meal there on this trip. The food IS good…and we had a lot of fun together. Here’s a pic of my younger daughter, Karen, and her boyfriend, Dakota.


I flew back home on Saturday, and have settled back in, unpacking and making up for lost sleep. On Monday, I went in for another PET scan, got the results on Monday, and had my regular chemo on Wednesday. I’m back in the groove, so to speak. I loved seeing the family, but it is really wonderful to be home again. It does help that I’ll be seeing my granddaughters and one of my daughters in about 2 months, when they come to the mainland for a wedding.

Aloha!

July 8, 2010---Is it really possible that I woke to my alarm in Del Dios at 5:30 this morning? Because it sure FEELS like at least 48 hours have elapsed since I boarded the flight leaving San Diego, bound for Kona, at 10:30 AM California time. It is now after 10:30 PM, Hawaii time, (making it truly after 1:30 AM by my California internal clock) so I’m bound to be loopy…but the story goes a bit deeper than that.

(I’m unfortunately unable to post any pictures, because I haven’t picked up the parcels, including my camera dock, which I shipped over to Hawaii.)

I’ll wait to extol the virtues of my first-ever first-class flight. There was the icing on the cake of the inhumanly prompt transition from disembarking at Kona, to changing into my island togs, to finding my luggage already circling the carousel…only 3 minutes after the scheduled landing! And, of course, I was ecstatic to see my daughter and granddaughters after 9 months. We met at Costco, where I stocked up, in between hugging, kissing and playing with the granddaughters.

While I have previously stayed only in Kona, I decided on this trip to move north of Kona, where the VOG, or volcanic smog, doesn’t impact the air quality. As usual, I had arranged to rent an ohana unit, a “granny flat” type of rental which offers kitchen facilities, and which is more quiet and private than in hotels.

Since my daughter had to head off to work, I left Kona at around 4:30 PM, intending to get my Costco-sized packages of chicken, cheese and salad greens into the refrigerator, before heading back into Waimea to get additional foods. The 45 minute drive into North Kohala was beautiful, with the skies clearing and the horizon expanding the further north I headed. As I followed the provided directions to head uphill and eastward (or mauka, as it’s known on the Kona-side), I felt I’d really discovered the perfect place for me to stay. The grasslands climb up to the sky, the homes are widely spaced, and native Nene plod down the road. I even passed an unexpected botanical garden about 2 miles from my rental. I felt almost giddy!

I managed to find the rental around 5:30 PM (Hawaii-time) after a few false starts (due to inaccurate and incomplete directions.) This unfortunately turned out to be the first of several bumps in this road.

Continuing to follow the directions, I parked the car and entered the screened lanai, only to find that the unit had not been left unlocked, as promised. I was concerned about reaching Debbie, the property manager, since it was after 5 PM, but successfully did so, and she was able to direct me to a hidden key after making a quick phone call. I was becoming more concerned about keeping the food purchases cold, particularly the chicken.

As I opened the door I was disheartened to find the refrigerator unplugged, propped open and pulled partially away from the wall. The electrical receptacle behind the fridge was inaccessible to me, with a scant 2 foot space behind the fridge, and a wall and counter blocking either side. (My arms are not as strong as they used to be, and I was afraid if I managed to climb in there, I might not be able to get out.) I called the Debbie back, and insisted on getting some help. She said she’d try to find someone.

While waiting, I walked throughout the rental. It unfortunately became obvious it had not been cleaned prior to my arrival, nor in any recent time. Dusty insect carcasses (cockroaches and a 4” long centipede) littered each room. There were cobwebs throughout. Due to the amount of rainfall and leaf-litter here, I KNOW that both cockroaches and centipedes are to be expected, so it wasn’t necessarily their presence that concerned me…it was the fact that I could tell they’d been there a while. Another call was made to Debbie. She offered me the first night free and said they’d sent someone the next day to vacuum.

I’ll pass on entering into additional descriptive details of the status of the room, because what emerged was that a mistake was made: somehow communication failed between the room-booking department and the cleaning department of the rental agency. This, coupled with the fact that the apartment had only recently become a vacation rental, meant it had also been quite some time since it had been cleaned.

I turned on the A/C unit in the bedroom, and placed the perishables in front of it, while I waited for Debbie to find someone to bring ice, plug in the fridge and bring a broom. (She was on the mainland, and the property owner lives on the other side of the island.)

Debbie’s daughter/business partner, Leilani arrived around 7 PM. She and her friend Koa brought in some ice and plugged in the fridge. As I shared my discoveries about the condition of the rental, she immediately agreed with my concerns, saying would NOT want to stay there, and she didn’t want me staying there until it was cleaned.

It is our human nature to make mistakes, but Leilani saw to it that they made right by the errors. It is now morning--I was MUCH too tired to stay up to finish this story last night! The tale of how Leilani made this right is another story, which I’ll share with you in my next blog. For now, I am starving, so I’d better rustle up some grub!

Aloha!

I’m having a good “head day.”

Since I lost my hair, I don’t worry about having good “hair days,” and I do save on shampoo. I’m happy to know I really do have a well-shaped head. Until you lose your hair, you really don’t know!

I’m sitting in what I fondly call “the chemo spa.” This place is full of light, homey furnishings, wood floors, and kind & attentive staff. My sis-in-law, Pam is here to keep me company and entertain me (or is it the other way around?) We have really bonded since my diagnosis…add THAT to my list of “Things I like about my Cancer.” She hasn’t been able to be here the last few treatments, but not by her choice. Renee, one of my many kind friends has been attended the last 3 chemo treatments in order to provide “Healing Touch”, and since there aren’t always enough chairs to seat everyone, Pam thought it best to bow out. With Renee in Europe, Pam is happily back. It’s SO hard to pick between them, because I DO love the “Healing Touch” treatments! This pic is of my sweet sis-in-law.

Today, I am now having my 6th chemo treatment of a drug called Taxotere. Other than hair loss, fatigue and indigestion, I’ve not had much in the way of the horrific side-effects one thinks of when you hear of chemo. In addition to the hair on my head, I’ve lost over ½ of my eyelashes, and a few eyebrow hairs. The fatigue is mainly limited to the week following chemo, which means I’ll be spending this coming weekend, including July 4th, in my PJs. My body does seem to appreciate being able to sleep in daily until about 7:30 or 8. Before diagnosis, sleeping in usually meant 6 am…so I must be needing the extra couple of hours of shut-eye.

The indigestion isn’t something that I’m able to combat with my usual means, papaya tablets. Sometimes, the discomfort is extreme and prolonged, continuing for 4 or 5 hours, and the ONLY thing that relieves it is draping myself over a pile of pillows on the floor in an embarrassing position, hoping we don’t receive unexpected company. I call it “assuming the position.”

I’ve also been experiencing wheezing, congestion and the frightening daily (multiple times a day) coughing up of blood. This has been going on for maybe a couple of months now, and sometimes, it impacts my sleep. I’ve seen a pulmonary specialist, who referred me for a bronchoscopy. Knowing I was going to have a tube snaked down my nostril admittedly made me very nervous, but the procedure wasn’t bad at all. Fasting for 19 hours (no food OR water)…NOW that was tough! I think I was amazingly patient when my procedure was delayed an additional 2 hours, though I was less than happy when I realized that somehow, my doctor didn’t seem to have been informed that I was awaiting the bronchoscopy in the hospital’s Imaging Unit. Nothing abnormal was viewed during the procedure, which was good news, except we were still left with the mysterious bleeding.

My oncologist has eased my mind with a reasonable (but too involved for this blog) explanation of what might be causing the bleeding, basically having to do with scar tissue from the cancer site not acting properly to process air flow. In the meantime, I am back on steroid pills to relieve the inflammation.

I have scans after every 2 treatments, and in about 2 ½ weeks, I’ll be having my 3rd scan since treatment started. Although my first scan showed that my disease had simply held steady, my 2nd scan showed improvement. Of the 3 lesions previously seen, one has disappeared, and the other 2 were deemed to be smaller. I didn’t feel compelled to rush out with the “good news,” although a few folks with whom I shared this information were relieved to the point of tears. My personal response was tempered by the knowledge that the first scan indicated that the margins of the lesions were hard to determine, due to an accumulation of fluid. I had to ask myself how they could tell the lesions were smaller in the 2nd scan, when they couldn’t accurately measure them before. I’m not being negative, just cautious.

Still, the 2nd scan DID show less metabolic activity, which IS a good sign…AND (drum roll)…I have finally been able to wear a real bra, which I hadn’t been able to do since November. Now THAT is cause for celebration. The fluid build-up from cancer made this impossible to do comfortably for more than an hour.

All in all, I’m holding strong and steady, sleeping when I need to, and maintaining my weight and positive spirit. I am able to make a little time occasionally for creative pursuits (more on that later) and gardening.

This past weekend I felt well enough to put on my gorgeous hair and attend the wedding of a long-time friend, though I did have to leave a little earlier than anticipated when my body decided to have a disagreement with me. It got its way when it sent me home to “assume the position.” (I'll pass on posting a pic of that!)

Roller-Coaster

Hmmm…the Roller Coaster that is Cancer. After chug-chugging my way, somewhat merrily, up the rail to write my last chipper blog, I found myself plunging dismally down the other side. Lack of good sleep due to side effects and repeatedly disruptive neighborhood gatherings, along with cumulative discouragement conspired to knock my physical and spiritual knees out from under me.

It’s more comfortable to write about this in retrospect. While it’s one thing to display my blithe and sunny side, the dark days cause me to seek more private means of asylum. However, part of my reason for blogging my experience is to illuminate a life-situation that many of my loved ones have not experienced, and to hopefully help anyone who might stand to gain from the sharing of this. It’s not fair or right for me to pretend that wearing the “Linda Miss Sunshine” crown is something I’m able to do all the time!

So, I’ll indulge in a bit of whining, but stick with me…I’ll end on a positive note, I promise!

After months of having to sleep in the recliner due to pain and pressure that built up during the night while horizontal, I seemed to finally get that behind me. I was able to give up the pain meds which had been part of my life for months! My celebration was short-lived as I increasingly found myself wheezing when I lay down…back to the recliner. Seems one of the side effects of my chemo (Taxotere) is “pleural effusion”…a build up of fluid in the pleural space…which is what sent me to back to the doc for re-diagnosis this 2nd time around. So, I headed back to Scripps Hospital for my 4th thoracentesis, a procedure during which fluid is removed from the pleural space (via a needle in my back, not my favorite thing.) I have another Taxotere treatment, then another scan, but I’m considering switching meds after that.

Oh, yeah…the scans. How did I forget to mention THAT bump in the road? The plan is to have 2 chemo treatments, then a scan to measure “progress.” Well, the results of my first scan after 2 treatments indicated my disease is “stable.” While my 2 oncologists seemed to think that is good news, I have to admit I’m not thrilled at the prospect of staying on chemo just to keep my disease stable. I shared this with one oncologist, who says that the hope is that initial stability will be followed, on the next scan, with disease regression. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

So, at least the thoracentesis has enabled me to enjoy the simple pleasure of being able to sleep, ALL NIGHT, in my bed.

Well, that is, only as long as neighbors aren’t hosting 2 nights of large gatherings which went on into the wee hours of the morning. (Only a few days prior, the guests of one of the residents had to be reminded that although they were in party mode, there were those of us sleeping just a few feet away.) The downside of living in a rural setting is that you get used to quiet. Usually, the fact that our bedroom faces the street is not an issue…I mean over the usual course of the night, only 4 or 5 cars MAX might head down our dead-end street between 9 PM and 5 AM. So when inebriated party attendees leave at 11:30, and 12:15, and 1:45 and 2:10 and 2:50 and 3:30 and 4:15, guess who’s waking up as they forget to turn the vocal volume down on their conversations? This happened 2 nights in a row, on the same nights that I had chemo followed by the thoracentesis. I mean, I understand that there was a death in the family, but where am I supposed to sleep? Back to the damn recliner, aargghhh!

Thankfully, for now, the parties are over. The neighbor understands I’m not just being bitchy, I have a “medical condition” that means I’m SICK! I’m better rested. I’m making a point to start walking a bit, as I’ve lost much stamina from not being active enough. I’m focusing on eating to regain a few lost pounds.
The anticipation regarding Mother’s Day was more bitter than sweet. My husband and I celebrated with his mother and family on Saturday, but with my daughters and granddaughters in Hawaii, and my Mom gone, I admit to being a little melancholy about Mother’s Day. (Hubby headed out of town in the AM for a well deserved short get-away. We did not have children together, so I hold NO expectations there!) I DID get more than the usual number of calls and text messages, and enjoyed attending a lovely craft show with a friend. I treated myself to my favorite meal at Hernandez Hideaway, then soaked in a hot tub with a book before working on an art journaling project. So I made the best of my day, and re-earned my right to wear the “Linda Miss Sunshine” crown.