Short and simple: Art, animals, and answers

Can I rise to the challenge of keeping this short and simple? Probably not, but I’ll try.

I took a wee bit of time this week to finish this art project. There’s not much to the technique, so I’ll fancy it up and call it a color study. It took some time to grow on me, but I’m kinda, sorta mostly satisfied with it…I’m positive, I think. It’s mostly acrylics, with pens (gel, metallic & Pitt Brush Pens), and papers.
I’ve got a few other creative projects on the back burners which I’ve been playing with---I mean educating myself about---digital scrapbooking and Photoshop, thanks to my dear digital friend Electra! More to come.

Since we don’t have pets, I stroke my animal instincts with the local wildlife. We have all kinds of birds in the area (thank you Lake Hodges), which we love, except when they eat our lizards. I never was afraid of reptiles as a girl, which is fortunate, since I’m now married to a herpetologist. Maybe I’m taking that too much too heart? Anyone got a tiny collar?

On the medical front: I’ve made my decision about the Tarceva. This was probably THE toughest decision I’ve had to make in the 2 & ½ years I’ve been in treatment…and I STILL wasn’t certain when I talked to my oncologist at 6 PM last night. I was leaning more toward staying off the Tarceva; it has been heavenly to be able to eat what I want with less concern of side effects…and not listen to that damn-ding-dong alarm all day telling me when to stick something in my mouth. However, when the doc pointed out the logic behind the three-fold chemo attack, I decided to continue on. The thinking is that if one chemo only “kills” 99 out of 100 cancer cells, with one resistant cell behind…that’s all it takes for the cancer to come back. A 3-pronged attack gives less opportunity for a resistant cell to slip through…each chemo works differently, and hopefully NOTHING slips through the triple whammy.

I was happy to hear that his plan is to have me start out at 25 mg. EVERY OTHER DAY, as opposed to the what I thought would be 25 mg./day. (I was previously taking 50 mg./day.) Today is the first day; I’m crossing my fingers!

I’d better get…much to do, but at least dishwashing isn't on today's agenda. Hubby and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary tonight and will slip out for some sushi before returning home to watch a video. Love those simple pleasures.

I have to share a moment of sweet marital communication…direct from our bed. We had some pillow talk about “Tom Swifties.” This was the result of listening to a podcast of “A Way with Words” earlier in the day. Tom Swifties, are adverbial puns, that make most people groan; they make me giggle. An example would be, “’We’re out of toothpaste,’ Tom said, crestfallen.”

At day's end, we couldn’t quite recall what the puns were called, even after a bit of discussion. You know how things come to you, unbidden, in the middle of the night? Fortunately, just as the answer arrived, hubby returned from a trip to the loo. As he tucked himself back in he heard me murmur: “Tom Swifties.” No explanation was required for him to utter his 2-word agreement...and, so, with 4 words uttered in the middle of the night, we completed a conversation started hours before. See what simple pleasures you singles miss out on?

If you’d like to torture others with Tom Swifties, you’ll find more at Thinks.com.

It's NOT hard to find something in life to smile at.

Cancer and Creativity

Normally, I follow a possibly abnormal self-imposed rule to make my posts EITHER about creative pursuits OR about cancer, and that WAS my intent. I’ve been FIRED UP creatively lately, though I’ve not had enough to time to indulge. I did however manage to finish a couple of projects last month, and it was my intent to share those projects, but dang it, I had a PET scan in the middle of trying to complete my blog. I know my friends will lovingly hound me if I don’t give a report…so here goes:

After 3 months of treatment (described in my January 14 post), I had my first PET scan, after which, I received good news! There was decreased size and activity in the cancerous nodules, as well as in nodules which had appeared in my left lung (a new site, as prior activity had been on the right.) The new nodules in my left lung (over 20, at last count) had previously been considered non-cancerous, but the fact that they responded to the chemo indicates they were either cancerous or pre-cancerous. The report also indicates that there is improvement in of the hydropneumothorax…which is a mixture of fluid and air in the pleura (the lining around my right lung.) I still have the chest catheter in place, but am crossing my fingers that continued improvement will mean that this can be yanked out one day soon!

Unfortunately, I am in a new battle…with my insurance company. The 3-fold chemo treatment is non-standard. One of the meds alone is standard, but combining the daily chemo pill I take with the other 2 chemos I get weekly is non-standard…not FDA approved. Well, the FDA approved treatment did NOT work for me, and this IS working. So, although coverage for this treatment has been denied twice, the last denial having been deemed “final”, the new development of measurable improvement means we can re-appeal. Send out those good vibes and prayers and hope that we prevail!

OK…on to the FUN stuff!

Seems my life is proving my theory that time is like a woman’s purse…the more time (or the bigger the purse), the more we’ll find to fill it up. It certainly seems like it should be an easy enough thing to do to find/make time to blog, but it seldom seems to work out that way.

There’s got to be a way to make the time…

My most recent solution found me trapped in a chair for 7 & ½ hours at Scripps Hospital, Encinitas, where I received a transfusion. The other option for that day was to drive up to Julian to stay with close friends, in hopes of getting snowed in. Although one might think we’d opt for that, I couldn’t quite convince my husband that reclining in the snow on the side of the road with his arms entangled in snow chains was the best way to spend a Saturday…so we opted for the transfusion. It gave my hemoglobin a boost AND gave me a chance to get most of my blog written up.

As I mentioned, I was able to finally complete a couple of art projects early last month.



“It All Comes from Within” started with a background in my favorite color of yellow, to which I added text from my collection of words and phrases, and a bit of black acrylic paint. The resulting image seemed disjointed, until I layered blue, green and yellow tissue paper swirls to create depth and movement. This is one of my husband’s favorite pieces of mine, so far. I really like working with tissue paper, and am starting to collect probably WAY more than I need.

Sometimes I’ll work, re-work and overwork a piece to get it to where it feels done (or I’m ready to give it up), which was NOT the case with “Fractured Forrest, Winter.”



It was probably one of the simplest pieces I’ve created. You know how hard it is to throw out those pretty images from calendars? That’s what started this page, as I cut into strips a serene winter scene. I laid on a little paint, winter-based text, bird image from a discarded book, and the yellow tissue moons, and called it “done.”

In the meantime, I’ve finally put my new sewing machine to good use. Until last summer, I used a Signature sewing machine, one given to me back in ’73. My little office/creative space doesn’t really have sufficient room to keep my sewing machine set up, and I swear that old machine gained weight with the passing years…it would have been easier to pick up my car, and I’d generally have to ask for help to get it (the sewing machine, not the car) out of the closet. Last summer, I saw a Brother sewing machine at Costco for $100. Light as a flea, lots of stitches I’ll never use, and a few cool features that please me. Time, and a little learning curve kept me from letting it earn its keep, but the fabric stash from my good ‘ole quilting days beckoned, and provided some inspiration to replace the pillows on our bed.

Those who quilt will understand that, in spite of a closet-full of fabrics, I found I didn’t have the right color for the background of the pillow. This sent me marching into the local quilt store (SERIOUSLY) chanting to myself “I’m only buying 1 thing, I’m only buying 1 thing.” A sales clerk with an obvious artistic eye (who started out in mixed media, including metal, before moving into textiles) turned me on to a technique I’d never seen before, called “chenilling.” It basically involves layering 4—8 layers of fabrics, stitching grids on a ½” bias, and then cutting through all but the bottom layer, before washing and drying the piece a couple of times to cause all the cut edges to fray and open...creating a piece with lots of visual movement.

I got started on that piece, but had to set it aside to start up sewing a dress for my nearly 5-year old granddaughter. (I used to sew clothing for my daughters, as well as myself, but haven’t made clothing in YEARS.) Both projects are as yet, “to be continued.”

Looking for a little creative kick? A friend turned me on to a site recently, called StumbleUpon. I set up my profile to tag various interests…they cover a WIDE range from Philosophy, Geneology, Humor, Health, Fashion, Mythology…YOU name it! Every time I go to the page, it makes recommendations about other websites I might be interested in, and I give the recommendation a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down.”

So, (since I’m not already suffering from enough “informational overload”) I set up my profile to (OF COURSE) include “Art.” Based on this, StumbleUpon made a recommendation for ColourLovers.com. Those who love color will find PLENTY to distract them from things they REALLY should be doing, like paying bills or cleaning the toilet. You’ll not only find lovely palettes AND patterns, but you can copy these patterns for use in your art projects. AND, you can design your own palettes and patterns.

I haven’t experimented with designing patterns, but have used several patterns to create greeting cards. I’ve also created a couple of palettes, and was pleased today to find that someone had created a sweet plaid pattern, which they named “Sherbert Plaid” from my palette, named “Rosy Sherbert.” And, ever-learning creature that I am, I now have discovered that the correct way to spell “sherbert” is “sherbet,” at least according to good ‘ole Spell-Check! (Dictionary.com DOES show it both ways!)

As luck would have it, I DO have time today to get out the paints, papers, colored pencils and other items from my creative stash…so I’ll give you’all a break for now. Go out…and create!

"I found that I could say things with color that I couldn't say in any other way-things that I had no words for." Georgia O'Keefe

LUNG CANCER WHINE

Well, PHOOEY…The best “F” word I can come up with now. I had such a wonderful time with my daughter and her family, AND her husband’s family these past few weeks, and I know I’ll be ready to share all the sweets on that later, but right now I’m “PH-n” grumpy. I know blogging right now is more like BLARFING, but if I can’t be honest here, where can I be? I guess I feel like my body is making my life a little prickly right now.

Hubby is out on a biological survey right now, and I’d normally be in creative mode, but I’m having a hard time concentrating with these flippin’ side effects.

NOTE WARNING: The following paragraphs contain details of symptoms which MAY set off the stomachs of some queasy folks (Renee, this might mean you!...I’m coughing, and it’s icky.) I share the following information 1) In order to hopefully help anyone else dealing with chemo or lung, (or other cancers), 2) to help my friends understand why I am laying a little low right now, and 3) so they can admire me for being so brave…oh, just kidding, but SEE…blogging is helping restore my humor already.

READ on, or skip forward to where you see: “SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”

NO, thank goodness I’m NOT nauseous. But, crap, this year I’ve had so many digestive and breathing issues. Something in my body has changed, possibly the lining of my stomach and lungs, but I have to be SO careful about the quantity and mixtures of food I eat, otherwise, I spend the evening like I am tonight, CONSTANTLY salivating (for over 6 hours now), belching, coughing (including some blood), and spitting so I don’t swallow a bunch of gas by repeatedly swallowing. Not being able to eat as much or as frequently as I'd need to or like to is frustrating...I'm trying NOT to lose any more weight!

The coughing up of blood is something that has been occurring for maybe 6 months, and I’ve been through various tests to determine the source, with no conclusive answers. The cancer isn’t growing, according to the scans. One possibility for the bleeding is that the chemo is attacking the “infected tissue.” I mean, I look pretty healthy, ‘tho my stamina doth sucketh. (I joined some friends on-stage at a performance recently, and I could either sing or I could dance along, but I couldn’t move AND sing! Also, I was able to play ping-pong with my daughter and granddaughters recently (short rallies), but chasing the ball REALLY took it out of me.)

I know you’d rather see a photo of my daughter or granddaughter, but I’d better get permission before going there!

Anyway, the coughing up of blood issue waxes and wanes, usually subject to treatment, but this last time it didn’t clear up before my next chemo, so I started at a disadvantage. What this means is that I sleep with a pile of about 5 or 6 pillows, and usually only on my left side. This has been the standard for MONTHS. Sleeping on my right side or back generally generates coughing. Sometimes (like last night), I have to sleep in the recliner.

Also, the coughing and spitting isn’t limited to night-time, and sometimes it’s almost spasmodic. I carry a jar/spittoon around, and I’m very self-conscious about grossing people out. The coughing, spitting, and congestion sometimes can make it VERY difficult to talk.

“SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”Between being self-conscious and having problems breathing/talking, I find myself getting a bit behind on my communications. I try to talk to my daughters and granddaughters when I can, of course, but sometimes that’s the only phone call I make during the day. I grab the time when my body decides to go along with my wishes.
So say a little prayer for my patience and my body…I KNOW this will pass, it has before, but I’m sure uncomfortable now. (I haven’t been able to paint or journal right now, and I’m working on a special video project for a friend, so nothing but photos to share for now.)

Creative Enlightenment, 101

My hair is growing back, though a bit more slowly on top, and baby-fine! I asked my friend to take pics of me this weekend. This is just one of a few nice shots she got.

I continue to follow the ebb and flow of my 3-week chemo schedule. I’m about mid-way through, feeling pretty decent, and knowing I’ll be feeling better as I approach my next treatment. It’s just wonderful to have my energy back—-to have time to feather the nest AND indulge in creativity. All the better, as I excitedly await the arrival of my older daughter, and her family, including my 2 granddaughters. Since they all live in Hawaii, I only get to see them twice a year. Yes-yes--I know, "Hawaii is a great place to visit family", but I’d rather be able to see my granddaughters every week!

Creatively, (and otherwise) I tend to work on multiple projects at each sitting, doing one step on one project, setting it aside and picking up another, and another. (It’s part of my personal “style” in other areas, and maybe not very productive!) Dream Garden was a project I started months ago, and it wasn’t working for me. After enjoying the effects of adding a MUCH larger image bit to “Pet Your Sunflowers”, I tried the same approach by adding the magazine cut-out of pink flowers flowing from the top. It helped immensely, but I was ready to move on. I’ve committed myself to posting my progressive work on my blog, so after adding a little verse to the piece, I pronounce it “complete” and am ready to turn the page of my journal.

Sleepless in Del Dios” was also started months ago when I was having nightly sleep issues. It started with doodling on black gesso, where it languished for many weeks, as I looked at the project and found NOTHING else to inspire, until I found an ad for a prescription sleep aid. Then-more waiting for inspiration, until I found the shimmering flower image from a card I’d received, followed by the tissue. Again, I consider this more of a learning experience (as in “a page of the same doodle is more cohesive than a bunch of random ones”).

I’ve wanted to delve more into digital art and use my scanner. I was THRILLED when I bought my HP ScanJet for a dollar at a local garage sale, but then found I was disappointed with the image quality when scanning 300 dpi JPEGs. While reviewing a 2005 issue of “Cloth, Paper, Scissors” (anyone else find inspiration in that publication?) I found the recommendation to scan images in as 600 dpi .tif files.

What an improvement! So now, instead of photographing my work, I’m scanning it in! AND I went back to a reference book from my Photoshop class to straighten out one of the images that had scanned crookedly! AND, while I was reviewing my class notes, I also experimented with creating a line drawing from a photographic image. Oh, yeah, AND I learned how to use my images in text to create my new banner (above: “HalfRaven.”) I am obviously easily pleased, and sense that I’ll be testing out many new techniques for working with my photos and scanned images.

I stumbled upon this link a couple of weeks back. The artist’s name is Ben Heine, and he calls his work “Pencil vs. Camera.” I’ve NEVER seen anything like this, and I sure wish I was talented enough with pen or pencil to try and emulate it, but I DO find it inspiring. I know you will too!

"There is not one blade of grass, there is not one color in this world that is not intended to make us rejoice" John Calvin

Roller-Coaster

Hmmm…the Roller Coaster that is Cancer. After chug-chugging my way, somewhat merrily, up the rail to write my last chipper blog, I found myself plunging dismally down the other side. Lack of good sleep due to side effects and repeatedly disruptive neighborhood gatherings, along with cumulative discouragement conspired to knock my physical and spiritual knees out from under me.

It’s more comfortable to write about this in retrospect. While it’s one thing to display my blithe and sunny side, the dark days cause me to seek more private means of asylum. However, part of my reason for blogging my experience is to illuminate a life-situation that many of my loved ones have not experienced, and to hopefully help anyone who might stand to gain from the sharing of this. It’s not fair or right for me to pretend that wearing the “Linda Miss Sunshine” crown is something I’m able to do all the time!

So, I’ll indulge in a bit of whining, but stick with me…I’ll end on a positive note, I promise!

After months of having to sleep in the recliner due to pain and pressure that built up during the night while horizontal, I seemed to finally get that behind me. I was able to give up the pain meds which had been part of my life for months! My celebration was short-lived as I increasingly found myself wheezing when I lay down…back to the recliner. Seems one of the side effects of my chemo (Taxotere) is “pleural effusion”…a build up of fluid in the pleural space…which is what sent me to back to the doc for re-diagnosis this 2nd time around. So, I headed back to Scripps Hospital for my 4th thoracentesis, a procedure during which fluid is removed from the pleural space (via a needle in my back, not my favorite thing.) I have another Taxotere treatment, then another scan, but I’m considering switching meds after that.

Oh, yeah…the scans. How did I forget to mention THAT bump in the road? The plan is to have 2 chemo treatments, then a scan to measure “progress.” Well, the results of my first scan after 2 treatments indicated my disease is “stable.” While my 2 oncologists seemed to think that is good news, I have to admit I’m not thrilled at the prospect of staying on chemo just to keep my disease stable. I shared this with one oncologist, who says that the hope is that initial stability will be followed, on the next scan, with disease regression. I’ve got my fingers crossed.

So, at least the thoracentesis has enabled me to enjoy the simple pleasure of being able to sleep, ALL NIGHT, in my bed.

Well, that is, only as long as neighbors aren’t hosting 2 nights of large gatherings which went on into the wee hours of the morning. (Only a few days prior, the guests of one of the residents had to be reminded that although they were in party mode, there were those of us sleeping just a few feet away.) The downside of living in a rural setting is that you get used to quiet. Usually, the fact that our bedroom faces the street is not an issue…I mean over the usual course of the night, only 4 or 5 cars MAX might head down our dead-end street between 9 PM and 5 AM. So when inebriated party attendees leave at 11:30, and 12:15, and 1:45 and 2:10 and 2:50 and 3:30 and 4:15, guess who’s waking up as they forget to turn the vocal volume down on their conversations? This happened 2 nights in a row, on the same nights that I had chemo followed by the thoracentesis. I mean, I understand that there was a death in the family, but where am I supposed to sleep? Back to the damn recliner, aargghhh!

Thankfully, for now, the parties are over. The neighbor understands I’m not just being bitchy, I have a “medical condition” that means I’m SICK! I’m better rested. I’m making a point to start walking a bit, as I’ve lost much stamina from not being active enough. I’m focusing on eating to regain a few lost pounds.
The anticipation regarding Mother’s Day was more bitter than sweet. My husband and I celebrated with his mother and family on Saturday, but with my daughters and granddaughters in Hawaii, and my Mom gone, I admit to being a little melancholy about Mother’s Day. (Hubby headed out of town in the AM for a well deserved short get-away. We did not have children together, so I hold NO expectations there!) I DID get more than the usual number of calls and text messages, and enjoyed attending a lovely craft show with a friend. I treated myself to my favorite meal at Hernandez Hideaway, then soaked in a hot tub with a book before working on an art journaling project. So I made the best of my day, and re-earned my right to wear the “Linda Miss Sunshine” crown.

Hair: Down to here, down to there, down to where it falls by itself....

After trying out a blog site a week or so ago, I decided to move here, where my friends can post comments.

Since my first post on April 2, I’ve lost almost all my hair. Although I had extensive treatment last year (from January—September), including surgery, chemo, combined chemo/radiation, and MORE chemo, my hair only thinned the first time. It was noticeable when I was out in the sunshine, but overall, I looked healthy through my treatment…most folks NEVER guessed I was in treatment for cancer.

Funny…’tho I’d been told that 95% of folks on this year’s chemo drug (Taxotere) lose their hair, I guess I’d let myself feel rather cocky from skating through the treatment so easily the year before. Last year’s chemo cocktail was supposed to be a butt-kicker, but that wasn’t my overall experience. I’m BIG on botanicals and supplements, and give much credit to them for my ability to tolerate the treatment. I guess I thought I’d unearthed the collective “silver bullet,” but that remains to be seen.

So, I imagine you’d think I wouldn’t feel so blind-sided when I found wads of hair in my hands during my shower on the Friday before Easter. That was NOT the case.

My initial anticipated discomfort with hair loss had to do more with my loss of privacy than with vanity. I’ve been very open about my cancer, but wanted that openness to come on my own terms…I didn’t necessarily want to announce to the world-at-large “I’M IN TREATMENT FOR CANCER!” I’m surprised to find that after only a week, I’m pretty comfortable exposing my fluffy head in public, even around strangers.

However, for those times when I want to look “normal”, I did purchase the beautiful wig I set my sights on last year. It still has to be fitted, so, in the meantime, I’m wearing hats when I don’t want to scare small children. I’m finding I’m having more fun with that than I had expected. Around the house, when it’s warm, I’m going hatless. I’m loving my husband’s response…he seems to think it’s pretty adorable, and kisses or caresses my head quite frequently.

For now, I’ll close, and start my day, which means, in part, downloading a picture or two of my exposed head before helping my hubby garden.