Blame Garry!

One of my good buddies, Garry, stoked my ego yesterday by telling me I didn’t post to my blog often enough. The rest of you needn’t worry, I told him that, as honored as I am by his opinion, I don’t intend to bore the rest of you with more frequent blathering. (More on Garry & his lovely wife, later.)

But, as timing would have it, it’s time for a health/treatment update. And, since I simply can NOT stand dry and droll cancer-talk, I’ll close by sharing some SWEET news and products of my creative endeavors. (The one above gives you an idea.)

The six months of major indigestion I endured since December wound down in June after discontinuation of 2 of the chemo meds, those that I received through my port.

After 2 months of treatment by Tarceva pill only, I was due for my PET scan, which I underwent this past Tuesday. I’ve been taking the smallest dose possible, 25 mg. of Tarceva, as I’ve struggled to combat side effects of medications.

Unfortunately, at about the same time that the indigestion ended, I began experiencing more pain, mostly in my right back and side. I began taking Extra-strength Tylenol during my Hawaii visit, but by the time I returned home toward the end of June, I was concerned about the frequency with which I had to treat the pain. Additionally, I began experiencing nausea in the morning. Ibuprofen controls pain for me better than acetaminophen, but I must REALLY watch my intake, because it can induce or increase bleeding, which has already been an issue with the fluid I’m draining via my catheter. (Did I put that delicately enough?)

After a few weeks on Tylenol and occasional Ibuprofen, I reached a day when neither the nausea nor pain would respond to Tylenol or Ibuprofen. As noon came and went, with me unable to eat, I reluctantly broke out my bottle of Vicodin. Within an hour, both pain and nausea were gone, and I was able to eat my breakfast, at around 1:30 PM. I somewhat reluctantly added daily Vicodin to the med regimen. After about a week, I made appointments with both my oncologist and pulmonary specialist.

In the meantime--I began experiencing a PROFOUND lack of appetite. I’d manage to eat breakfast, but had to force myself to eat lunch or dinner, usually not both. I’d serve myself the smallest of portions, and still only be able to consume ½ of that.

My oncologist assured me that I was medicating myself appropriately to manage my pain until I was able to get in for my scheduled PET scan. We didn’t really discuss, at that point, what to do about my appetite. We had no idea as to whether the pain was related to the cancer or possible scar tissue, especially in the area of my drainage catheter. I had him examine the increasing lumps and bumps developing under the skin by my ribs on the right side. He thought they might be either scar tissue or increased cancer growth.

My pulmonary doc reviewed the Xray he ordered, and felt that there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.

It wasn’t until about a week ago (a week before my scan) that the light bulb finally went on regarding the loss of appetite. I awoke feeling less pain than usual, and skipped my morning dose of Vicodin. That afternoon, I noticed an increase in my appetite. An internet search confirmed that Vicodin can interfere with appetite. Since then, I’ve tried cutting the doses in half, but I have struggled to find that happy medium between pain management and appetite.

Teaser for creative update at end:

Fast forward to yesterday’s follow-up to my PET scan. The increase in pain had me expecting very bad news about my health status. My weigh-in didn’t help, as I found I had dropped under 100 pounds…98, meaning I’ve lost 19 pounds since diagnosis.

The PET scan revealed very mild disease progression. The Tarceva, even at the lowest dose, is working. So the plan is to gradually increase the dose, as my body allows, to hopefully let the Tarceva do its thing. The progression is in the area where I’ve had increased pain.

The more immediate issue was to find a remedy for the loss of appetite. Rather than trying to find a new method of pain control, my oncologist suggested an aid to stimulate appetite. He prescribed Marinol, a cannabis derivative. Of course, I asked my doc about potential side effects, and he said some dancing in the streets was reported. I clarified that I was only interested in ADVERSE side effects. Another option would have been some sort of steroid, but the marinol seems to be the most natural option.

Boy, am I pleased with it so far! After filling the Rx, we returned home where I took my first dose as I was preparing lunch. I was thrilled to be hungry enough for a second serving! I had similar good results with my evening dose, not only finishing my dinner, but having room for a Vanilla Ice Cream Drumstick. NOW, I think we are on to something.

While I celebrated my double-serving of lunch, I reviewed the information sheet provided with my Rx. Hmmm….Potential side effects include red eyes, dry mouth, feeling “high”, an exaggerated sense of well-being. Well, I could certainly use a sense of well-being, as I’ve been wallowing in discouragement with increasing frequency these days. My first dose did seem to make me feel pretty darned good—in fact, while I THOUGHT I was ready for my afternoon nap, I found myself relaxed and happy, but NOT tired!! It appears that these side effects diminish as the body adjusts to the dosage…dang!! My night dose did not seem to provide the same sensations, but I’m elated to see my appetite return!

On other fronts: I got some VERY HAPPY news a little over a week ago—My older daughter and her family of 5 (total, including her!) are moving back to San Diego County on August 25! My son-in-law has found work here, which will enable them to establish residency. He’d like to study diesel mechanics at Palomar College, but must have established residency for at least a year to avoid paying non-residence fees. So, I’ll have my grandkids an hour’s drive away, instead of across an ocean!

I’ve been enjoying (immensely!) a 5-week online class on art journaling given by Pam Carriker. The images posted today are all products of that class. I’ve completed 2 pages so far. My favorite part of this process is painting. Although these pages are painted with acrylics, the use of a baby wipe to blend creates a washed look, similar to a watercolor. I’m also enjoying experimenting with new tools including a woodless graphite pencil, glazing medium, and watercolor pencils. I can’t wait to test the new techniques on a larger surface. OK, Lindy…maybe I’ll have some art for the school sooner rather than later!

Oh, and with that message to another friend, I’m reminded that I want to share the website for my friend Garry, who encourages me to blog more. Garry’s lovely wife Cherrie is also his partner with their Glass Ranch Studio. Their home studio grounds encompass their hillside garden retreat, where they have a gallery and glass blowing structure. They hold semi-annual art shows, as noted on their site. Their shows are an awesome opportunity to stroll their grounds, strewn with artistically placed glass “discards” and hung with a lovely assortment of garden art. If you find you’re inspired by Cherrie’s glass jewelry, you can buy a piece or two AND/OR sign up to take one of her classes.
Check out their website
…and then go do some creatin’ of your own!

Getting my hands “DIRTY”

Hopefully absence makes the heart grow fonder. But, I date myself with that quote. OK, well, then: Have you missed me?

As usual, life conspires to get in the way of all the “To Dos” on my list. Somehow, I think I’m managing a half-way decent job of balancing housework, paperwork, art, friendship, family and health. I WOULD prefer to allocate a smaller slice of time to health, but that’s not possible at this point. I may PLAN to vacuum the bedroom AND dust the living room, get one thing done, and find that some side effect or loss of energy sends me to bed for restoration. I must appreciate that THAT is an option. And my husband repeatedly tells me how much he likes just having me home. It’s sweet.

Last time I wrote, I was in Hawaii, awaiting the arrival of my newest grandchild, a little guy who made his appearance on June 8. Bradley, is OF COURSE, adorable! I’m thankful Skype enables me to see Bradley and his family in between trips. Of course, a few pictures have been exchanged, but it’s not the same as hearing their little voices and seeing them in action. It may be another 6 months before I get to hold them again.

As wonderful as it was to spend time with the family, it was AWESOME to come home. One month was just too long; I missed my husband and my home. I know there are many people who live for their vacations, for that destination. I’m glad I’m not one of them…that I have a home I love to come home to, which I prefer to the destinations! I wish my family lived closer, but Hawaii isn’t for everyone. And since I was unable to swim in my private pool (due to my catheter), and the overly-abundant mosquitoes kept me indoors too frequently, Hawaii as a vacation spot didn’t happen for me this time. A few friendly folks (wise guys?) suggested that I could at least dip my feet in the ocean. What the hell kind of pleasure is that supposed to be?? The rest of me would be fried in the tropical sun, but I could wet my toes?! Oh, boy, oh boy!! Thanks, but there’s a beach a half-hour from my home, and all my art supplies are here!

…which leads me back home, to my newest passion, or at least one of them!
I signed on months ago to participate in a 3-day art retreat. I’ve never treated myself to anything like this, and anticipated it excitedly. The 3 artist-teachers have previously taught this class in Paris! It was hosted right here in Del Dios, less than a mile away. I knew Renee, the artist at whose home the class was given, but had only admired the work of the other 2 artists, Pam Carriker & Lisa Bebi, from a distance, via magazines and online. To see them teamed up was a persuasive temptation!

The retreat was 7 hours daily, Monday—Wednesday. It was fantastic to learn new techniques, observe the different teaching styles, AND get treated to lunches prepared by one of the teachers each day! Unfortunately, I wasn’t feeling well for part of each day, as I continued to deal with digestive issues that made me uncomfortable enough to consider skipping classes twice! I did find that once I arrived, immersion in creativity distracted me from discomfort!

During the retreat, I was reminded of how slowly I process new information. It reminded me of a dance class I took in college, where I got frustrated to the point of tears, as everyone else seemed able to pick up the routine, and move forward. I know I tend to OVERTHINK things, which doesn’t always work in my favor creatively. At art retreat, it seemed I was always the last to complete a project, I know: It wasn’t a competition!

During the workshop, I was reminded of another issue with my creative approach: I’ve tended to rely on “the TOOLS” to apply paints and glues, and avoid getting my hands dirty! I tried to make a point of getting some paint on a finger or 2, but I began considering a 12-step program to work through it! Kinda crazy, since I’ve done my fair share of ROUGH camping. On a few Baja kayaking trips, (only about 10-15 years ago) the fresh water was saved for drinking, so all bathing was in salt water. On one of those trips, I lived without my hairbrush for over 10 days, since I’d mistakenly left it at home. This was back when I had LONG hair…so you can imagine what the combination of salt-water and no hairbrush did!

The avoidance of getting my hands dirty has carried over into my gardening. Up until recently, I gardened with gloves on, and NOT just when I was working with thorny plants. Recently, I’ve made an effort to leave the gloves inside, to connect with plants, weeds, and dirt.

One of the techniques I learned involved making a 3D “portrait” using a Styrofoam wig-head. I enjoyed this lesson so much more than I thought I would, tho’ I went home with an unfinished project. Everyone else's portrait was more complete. Oh well!

(Mine is on the top left.) They're all so different!

This week, I made use of the techniques to begin re-finishing a water-crock stand (for bottled water.) I started out with torn newspaper, and initially thought I was going to dress it up with images of morning glories. I fondly recall a splash of them spilling down a bank of the property next door to where I grew up, but have never grown any myself. As I was attaching the bits of newspaper, the earth-tones directed me to consider a different color scheme. I’ve toyed with the idea of trying trompe l'oeil (fool the eye) painting, but, since I’ve never done it, it scares me. I’d be over-thinking this project until my daughters are grandparents. So, I’ll let this project evolve, and avoid planning out too much.

AND, I found that the easiest way to work out air bubbles when I’m gluing paper is to USE MY FINGERTIPS. I started really getting into it! Periodically, I’d take a break to peel off layers of gel medium/glue, as it inhibited my ability to feel what I was doing. What now looks like a skin condition is proof that I’m in recovery from my “dirty-hands” phobia!

I squoze (past-tense of squeeze, which OBVIOUSLY should be a word) in another hour or two a week ago to move a couple of other projects forward. They were languishing, but I think I like where they are headed! I just love my collection of tissue paper!

Oh, yeah, and tomorrow I start a 5 week on-line art retreat, given by Pam Carriker…one of the artists who taught at the art retreat. She’s the one who presented the 3D portrait lesson. You can check out her work here. In a prior blog post, I referred readers to the site for Lisa Bebi, who taught her awesome paint-over technique. In case you’ve not visited her site before, you’ll find it here. While I don’t believe Renee Richetts, who taught cold-water paper making and hinged metal books, has a website, she does have a blog, which you can view here.

Gotta go create!!
Linda

A little aloha with treatment update on the side

Aloha from the Big Island of Hawaii!

It’s Wednesday--I arrived here in Kona this past Saturday afternoon, where I was met at the airport by both daughters as well as my two granddaughters. I’m making the transition to Hawaii-time (a 3-hour difference) much more easily than I expected.


Thanks to perfect planning by both Lauren’s mother-in-law, Jan as well as her friend, Brook I was finally attend a shower for my daughter. Previously, distance and timing had meant that I missed the showers. Oh, yeah…and after the first baby shower, I guess it’s called a “sprinkle.”

I can’t remember the last time I played baby shower games, and the 3 we played were new to me. I wish I taken a photo of the babies we all made from (unchewed) bubble gum! Lauren’s MIL gave her the baby quilt that had been used by Lauren’s husband, as well as his father. It’s not only special because of that history, but it’s still in near-perfect condition. It’s gorgeous, huh?

We are now in a holding pattern as we await the arrival of my 3rd grandchild and 1st grandson. Little Bradley is due June 5, and I’m scheduled to return home on June 6, so I’m cutting it close. However, Lauren’s doc reports that she’s dilated about 3 cm., and she doesn’t expect the baby to wait another week. After suffering from some nasty indigestion my first 2 afternoons here, my tummy has settled down, so I’m hoping THAT won’t be any issue for my attending the delivery.

I intended to send out a treatment update a few days prior to leaving California, but it was good that I didn’t, because there were some last-minute changes.

So, here goes: You may recall I took a 10-day break from Tarceva, during which time my stomach distress cleared up. After going back on a reduced dose of Tarceva a few weeks back, the indigestion gradually reappeared, not only causing discomfort, but making me skip meals AND lose more weight.

While we had hoped I could tolerate the lower dose (combined with my other 2 chemo meds.), it appeared that I wasn’t able to handle that combo. So, I made the decision to discontinue the Tarceva, and give the other 2 chemos the chance to do their thing.

When I went in for my scan last week, the oncologist reported that my cancer was stable—no progression, but no improvement in the fight to beat it back. We discussed the options: Stay on the 2-chemo treatment, switch to a combination I used the first year, try a clinical trial, or try Tarceva alone. Since we knew SOMETHING in the 3-chemo treatment exhibited improvement in my first scan, we decided to opt for trying Tarceva alone.

Just to clarify-- it’s been my assumption, all along, that the issue is NOT the Tarceva per se, but the combination of meds: Carboplatin + Abraxane + Tarceva. The Tarceva is known to have the potential for causing stomach distress, but I’ve assumed that combining it with other chemo-treatments was what pushed my situation over the edge.

What’s interesting is that although I’ve been off the Tarceva for 10 days, I’m STILL experiencing stomach distress, which isn’t at all what I expected. All this time, we’ve suspected the Tarceva as the main cause, but I’m now starting to wonder if the Carbo or Abraxane (or combo of both) has been more problematic than we guessed. I was treated with Carbo/Abraxane 3 days before leaving California. I guess we’ll know more when I start treating with Tarceva alone on June 8.

In the meantime, I’m taking a 2-week break from treatment, and my body appreciates the respite. Of course, we don’t want to let the cancer get the wrong ideas, so I just consider this a chance to gear up for battle!

Aaarghhhhh---I so tired of thinking about, talking about, writing about cancer and my treatment. Thank goodness for the sweet distractions of being here in Hawaii, enjoying the family and absorbing the sensations of Hawaiian sounds and scents. The local doves have such a memorably distinctive coo.

Now, I’m going to get out my colored pencils, and PLAY, while I wait for my little munchkins to visit!

Only Art—3 projects

There’s no sense in getting bogged down in too many words…I just checked in to share some completed projects!

“Dream with Your Eyes Open”

took a LONG time to finish, because there is a hidden project underneath that just wasn’t working for me. Since it had pictures of my grandkids, I tortured myself about covering up the images…but it just didn’t work ARTISTICALLY. (I’m working on a replacement project.)

On the other hand “Decisions, Decisions”

was completed quite quickly, and I’m just as happy with the final “product.” Oh, that they would all flow so easily!



“Drawing without an eraser”

is my first completed digital piece (not including the goofy Photoshop picture of me!) I’ve still got a lot to learn, but the process is grand fun!
Digital supplies were from DeviantScrap and ScrapGirls.

Enough playing for me…kitchen chores beckon!

Short and simple: Art, animals, and answers

Can I rise to the challenge of keeping this short and simple? Probably not, but I’ll try.

I took a wee bit of time this week to finish this art project. There’s not much to the technique, so I’ll fancy it up and call it a color study. It took some time to grow on me, but I’m kinda, sorta mostly satisfied with it…I’m positive, I think. It’s mostly acrylics, with pens (gel, metallic & Pitt Brush Pens), and papers.
I’ve got a few other creative projects on the back burners which I’ve been playing with---I mean educating myself about---digital scrapbooking and Photoshop, thanks to my dear digital friend Electra! More to come.

Since we don’t have pets, I stroke my animal instincts with the local wildlife. We have all kinds of birds in the area (thank you Lake Hodges), which we love, except when they eat our lizards. I never was afraid of reptiles as a girl, which is fortunate, since I’m now married to a herpetologist. Maybe I’m taking that too much too heart? Anyone got a tiny collar?

On the medical front: I’ve made my decision about the Tarceva. This was probably THE toughest decision I’ve had to make in the 2 & ½ years I’ve been in treatment…and I STILL wasn’t certain when I talked to my oncologist at 6 PM last night. I was leaning more toward staying off the Tarceva; it has been heavenly to be able to eat what I want with less concern of side effects…and not listen to that damn-ding-dong alarm all day telling me when to stick something in my mouth. However, when the doc pointed out the logic behind the three-fold chemo attack, I decided to continue on. The thinking is that if one chemo only “kills” 99 out of 100 cancer cells, with one resistant cell behind…that’s all it takes for the cancer to come back. A 3-pronged attack gives less opportunity for a resistant cell to slip through…each chemo works differently, and hopefully NOTHING slips through the triple whammy.

I was happy to hear that his plan is to have me start out at 25 mg. EVERY OTHER DAY, as opposed to the what I thought would be 25 mg./day. (I was previously taking 50 mg./day.) Today is the first day; I’m crossing my fingers!

I’d better get…much to do, but at least dishwashing isn't on today's agenda. Hubby and I are celebrating our 3rd anniversary tonight and will slip out for some sushi before returning home to watch a video. Love those simple pleasures.

I have to share a moment of sweet marital communication…direct from our bed. We had some pillow talk about “Tom Swifties.” This was the result of listening to a podcast of “A Way with Words” earlier in the day. Tom Swifties, are adverbial puns, that make most people groan; they make me giggle. An example would be, “’We’re out of toothpaste,’ Tom said, crestfallen.”

At day's end, we couldn’t quite recall what the puns were called, even after a bit of discussion. You know how things come to you, unbidden, in the middle of the night? Fortunately, just as the answer arrived, hubby returned from a trip to the loo. As he tucked himself back in he heard me murmur: “Tom Swifties.” No explanation was required for him to utter his 2-word agreement...and, so, with 4 words uttered in the middle of the night, we completed a conversation started hours before. See what simple pleasures you singles miss out on?

If you’d like to torture others with Tom Swifties, you’ll find more at Thinks.com.

It's NOT hard to find something in life to smile at.

Decisions…decisions…

Time to tap out a few notes, since friends are writing to ask if I’m OK. Hey, I’m just trying to be a good girl, stay on track, keep my life in balance and stay active, instead of unfolding myself from my chair after I discover that 4 hours have passed while I am web-wandering.

OK, I’ll let myself indulge periodically, as with the Photoshop lessons I’ve been toying with, but that’s really about education, right? Don't I look more scholarly?

The quick answer to the question of how I am is “Fine,” but it’s been a long dang year, this one. To call this daily pain & distress that I’ve been experiencing for 4 months INDIGESTION, just doesn’t feel accurate. It’s frustrating to have hours eaten up by The Daily Dyspepsia as I try to find comfort in the recliner, especially since I’ve given up foods I love (and which I know are good for me) to try and maintain some sense of comfort.

Try to imagine eating like this for 4 months: NO onions, garlic, tomatoes, citrus, caffeine (including green tea) or bananas. That means NO Mexican or Italian food, and where do you get soup that isn’t made with onions and/or garlic? (Who would want to eat THAT?) Potlucks are no fun, and it’s pretty much impossible to meet anyone out for meals or eat at their homes. It might be more worth it, if this eliminated my symptoms, but that is not the case.

At my doctor’s recommendation, I’ve tried numerous treatments and prescriptions to combat the pain, which has only gotten worse, AND caused me to skip too many meals, loosing additional weight. The size 2 jeans I had to buy a few months back are now baggy. None of the 3 meds I’ve been taking can be taken together, and they are supposed to be taken an hour before and 2 hours after meals, so I’ve set up spreadsheets and timers beginning at 6 am to tell me when to take meds and when it’s ok to eat.

The culprit for this issue is evidently the Tarceva pill I take…one of 3 chemo treatments I’m on now. I get the other 2 meds via my port, weekly.

After reading about the side effects from Tarceva, I was concerned, but my doc felt combining chemos was the best approach, even tho’ it has meant fighting a losing battle with my insurance company. This combination treatment is NOT FDA approved…in fact: published data states that Tarceva should NOT be combined with other meds, but my doc says that’s based on OLD studies. After 4 appeals, my insurance company’s FINAL answer to covering this combination treatment is “NO.” However, we have managed to get support from the pharmaceutical companies, and so I can continue taking (enduring?) this treatment.

I know you’all love me, but I ask that you not to join the gripe-group ready to take aim at the insurance company. My personal feeling is that our culture has come to feel that insurance companies should pay for any and all treatment, even if there is insufficient evidence to prove its effectiveness without doubt. YES…I got a scan that showed that SOMETHING is going right…but I have no way of knowing whether it’s one of the meds, 2 of them, or all 3. I’ve told my friends that I want to trust that what should happen, will, and if I need to discontinue some part of this treatment, it’s because that’s how it’s supposed to happen.

What I’ve found is that this combination has caused me increasing pain and the loss of valuable weight and stamina.

Even worse: I discovered this week that patients who are on the combination of Tarceva and a “taxane-based” chemo (which I am) are at increased risk for gastrointestinal perforation…including fatalities.” (Emphasis mine.) I already knew that there was a chance of gastrointestinal perforation with Tarceva use, but had somehow never stumbled on the issue of elevated risk for this combination therapy…and my oncologist had never mentioned it.

I discovered this after my husband questioned whether I could be getting an ulcer. I had been awakened by pain at 2:00 AM, and managed to get only minor relief by the morning. Dinner and breakfast portions were tiny, as I could not comfortably eat.

I called my oncologist, and the upshot is that I am taking a break from the Tarceva. I thought it would take me a week or 2 to get my gut to settle down, but within 2 days, I’d seen substantial improvement. Today is Monday…I took my last Tarceva pill last Wednesday…and last night I ate tacos (with salsa and my garlic-laced Spanish Rice.) I had more Mexican food for breakfast. Heavenly! Oh, and I’ve been able to cut back on the meds I’ve been taking for stomach upset. I hadn’t realized just how stressful it had been to have the timer going off all day to tell me when to stick something in my mouth, until I didn’t have to do that!!

But, now, I need to make a serious decision. The doc wants to talk after one week off the Tarceva to see whether to go back on it at a reduced dose (25 mg. instead of 50 mg. which I’ve been taking.) My original dose was 150 mg., but we’ve had to reduce the dose due to side effects, and it seems that STILL hasn’t been enough. I’m confused, and have no idea as to the best plan of attack.

I’m scared to go back on the Tarceva at all…a gastrointestinal perforation normally comes on suddenly…dang…I don’t want the chemo to kill me! But my doctor thinks this might be the best shot at getting the cancer. Since it’s a non-standard treatment, I’m not finding much in the way of data to help in the decision-making process.

I don’t want to be driven by impatience at wanting to get back to eating normal food. It’s not just childish selfishness that causes me to want to stamp my feet when I want to eat what others are eating, but there’s a bit of that there. but then again: Is my digestive tract trying to warn me?

So send out some “good decision” vibes…I’ll need them!

I don’t want to make this too long, so I’ll close with a few images. One thing my cancer has given me is time to join hands with my muse. I’ve previously been too impatient to want to practice sketching…I want to be good at it without trying. You must wonder what kind of example I set for my daughters…

So, I’m trying, and still learning…and am led to believe that practice might NOT be so painful, after all.

Cancer and Creativity

Normally, I follow a possibly abnormal self-imposed rule to make my posts EITHER about creative pursuits OR about cancer, and that WAS my intent. I’ve been FIRED UP creatively lately, though I’ve not had enough to time to indulge. I did however manage to finish a couple of projects last month, and it was my intent to share those projects, but dang it, I had a PET scan in the middle of trying to complete my blog. I know my friends will lovingly hound me if I don’t give a report…so here goes:

After 3 months of treatment (described in my January 14 post), I had my first PET scan, after which, I received good news! There was decreased size and activity in the cancerous nodules, as well as in nodules which had appeared in my left lung (a new site, as prior activity had been on the right.) The new nodules in my left lung (over 20, at last count) had previously been considered non-cancerous, but the fact that they responded to the chemo indicates they were either cancerous or pre-cancerous. The report also indicates that there is improvement in of the hydropneumothorax…which is a mixture of fluid and air in the pleura (the lining around my right lung.) I still have the chest catheter in place, but am crossing my fingers that continued improvement will mean that this can be yanked out one day soon!

Unfortunately, I am in a new battle…with my insurance company. The 3-fold chemo treatment is non-standard. One of the meds alone is standard, but combining the daily chemo pill I take with the other 2 chemos I get weekly is non-standard…not FDA approved. Well, the FDA approved treatment did NOT work for me, and this IS working. So, although coverage for this treatment has been denied twice, the last denial having been deemed “final”, the new development of measurable improvement means we can re-appeal. Send out those good vibes and prayers and hope that we prevail!

OK…on to the FUN stuff!

Seems my life is proving my theory that time is like a woman’s purse…the more time (or the bigger the purse), the more we’ll find to fill it up. It certainly seems like it should be an easy enough thing to do to find/make time to blog, but it seldom seems to work out that way.

There’s got to be a way to make the time…

My most recent solution found me trapped in a chair for 7 & ½ hours at Scripps Hospital, Encinitas, where I received a transfusion. The other option for that day was to drive up to Julian to stay with close friends, in hopes of getting snowed in. Although one might think we’d opt for that, I couldn’t quite convince my husband that reclining in the snow on the side of the road with his arms entangled in snow chains was the best way to spend a Saturday…so we opted for the transfusion. It gave my hemoglobin a boost AND gave me a chance to get most of my blog written up.

As I mentioned, I was able to finally complete a couple of art projects early last month.



“It All Comes from Within” started with a background in my favorite color of yellow, to which I added text from my collection of words and phrases, and a bit of black acrylic paint. The resulting image seemed disjointed, until I layered blue, green and yellow tissue paper swirls to create depth and movement. This is one of my husband’s favorite pieces of mine, so far. I really like working with tissue paper, and am starting to collect probably WAY more than I need.

Sometimes I’ll work, re-work and overwork a piece to get it to where it feels done (or I’m ready to give it up), which was NOT the case with “Fractured Forrest, Winter.”



It was probably one of the simplest pieces I’ve created. You know how hard it is to throw out those pretty images from calendars? That’s what started this page, as I cut into strips a serene winter scene. I laid on a little paint, winter-based text, bird image from a discarded book, and the yellow tissue moons, and called it “done.”

In the meantime, I’ve finally put my new sewing machine to good use. Until last summer, I used a Signature sewing machine, one given to me back in ’73. My little office/creative space doesn’t really have sufficient room to keep my sewing machine set up, and I swear that old machine gained weight with the passing years…it would have been easier to pick up my car, and I’d generally have to ask for help to get it (the sewing machine, not the car) out of the closet. Last summer, I saw a Brother sewing machine at Costco for $100. Light as a flea, lots of stitches I’ll never use, and a few cool features that please me. Time, and a little learning curve kept me from letting it earn its keep, but the fabric stash from my good ‘ole quilting days beckoned, and provided some inspiration to replace the pillows on our bed.

Those who quilt will understand that, in spite of a closet-full of fabrics, I found I didn’t have the right color for the background of the pillow. This sent me marching into the local quilt store (SERIOUSLY) chanting to myself “I’m only buying 1 thing, I’m only buying 1 thing.” A sales clerk with an obvious artistic eye (who started out in mixed media, including metal, before moving into textiles) turned me on to a technique I’d never seen before, called “chenilling.” It basically involves layering 4—8 layers of fabrics, stitching grids on a ½” bias, and then cutting through all but the bottom layer, before washing and drying the piece a couple of times to cause all the cut edges to fray and open...creating a piece with lots of visual movement.

I got started on that piece, but had to set it aside to start up sewing a dress for my nearly 5-year old granddaughter. (I used to sew clothing for my daughters, as well as myself, but haven’t made clothing in YEARS.) Both projects are as yet, “to be continued.”

Looking for a little creative kick? A friend turned me on to a site recently, called StumbleUpon. I set up my profile to tag various interests…they cover a WIDE range from Philosophy, Geneology, Humor, Health, Fashion, Mythology…YOU name it! Every time I go to the page, it makes recommendations about other websites I might be interested in, and I give the recommendation a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down.”

So, (since I’m not already suffering from enough “informational overload”) I set up my profile to (OF COURSE) include “Art.” Based on this, StumbleUpon made a recommendation for ColourLovers.com. Those who love color will find PLENTY to distract them from things they REALLY should be doing, like paying bills or cleaning the toilet. You’ll not only find lovely palettes AND patterns, but you can copy these patterns for use in your art projects. AND, you can design your own palettes and patterns.

I haven’t experimented with designing patterns, but have used several patterns to create greeting cards. I’ve also created a couple of palettes, and was pleased today to find that someone had created a sweet plaid pattern, which they named “Sherbert Plaid” from my palette, named “Rosy Sherbert.” And, ever-learning creature that I am, I now have discovered that the correct way to spell “sherbert” is “sherbet,” at least according to good ‘ole Spell-Check! (Dictionary.com DOES show it both ways!)

As luck would have it, I DO have time today to get out the paints, papers, colored pencils and other items from my creative stash…so I’ll give you’all a break for now. Go out…and create!

"I found that I could say things with color that I couldn't say in any other way-things that I had no words for." Georgia O'Keefe

Long-delayed Health/Treatment update

Two posts in one week? I KNOW I’m well-past due!
Forgive me friends, for I have sinned; it’s been about 2 ½ months since I delighted you’all with the details of my cancer treatment.

Actually, I did NOT have any chemo for 3 months. Based upon the results of an October Pet Scan, I made the decision to discontinue the prior chemo treatment (Taxotere), which I had been treated with from March through the end of September. While it initially seemed to work on my cancer, over time, that was not the case. The cancer stabilized, but didn’t back down any further, and I now I was dealing with constant fluid build-up (in the pleural space around my lungs pleural effusion), sending me to the hospital, and necessitating the eventual placement of a catheter in my chest.

One option for treatment was to submit cells, which the lab would examine for cell mutations. Not all lung adenocarcinomas (the specific type of lung cancer I have) respond to the same chemos, and over time & treatment, some of the cells can mutate. Doctors are now able to use these “biomarker” or "tumor marker" studies as a diagnostic tool to better predict which chemos will or won’t work on particular cell mutations of specific cancers.

So, some cells were collected at the end of October, via fluid collected/drained from my pleural space. Unfortunately, something went wrong in the processing of the first test, because not enough cancer cells were found in the sample….and we KNEW there was cancer in there! I lost several weeks waiting to get those test results back, and then had to restart that process by submitting more fluid/cells. That was one reason for the delay in restarting my treatment.

I submitted more cells, and waited 3 more weeks for test results.

The biomarker study report listed 4 types of meds which were deemed as “agents associated with clinical benefit.” (We also received a list of those unlikely to provide a positive response.) My oncologist’s recommendation was to combine 3 of the meds most likely to work. He gave us time to consider the options before deciding which approach to take. (Other options included using the drugs separately.) Since there isn’t any current research on the combination of these 3 meds, the decision wasn’t an easy one. The only data available on the combination was done prior to the availability of biomarker studies, meaning that theses chemos were being shot like bullets in the dark…hoping to work on cancers that might not have been responsive to those specific meds. The side effects of one of the meds, Tarceva, also made me nervous. But, in the end, we decided we want to give this our best shot.

So, I started my treatment on 12/17/10. (I did delay a couple of days so I could celebrate my 55th birthday on the 14th.) I now go in for treatment once a week, receiving 2 meds (Carboplatin & Abraxane) via my port. This part of the regimen is administered 3 weeks on then one week off. I received Carboplatin last year, and did get a positive response from it.

The 3rd med I’m receiving is called Tarceva, and I’m taking this via a daily pill. The mechanism of Tarceva is not fully known, but it is thought to work by blocking the activity of a protein which cancer cells need to grow and divide.

I had it easy last year in terms of side effects, so I’ve had to adjust to dealing with them this year. The side effect about which I’d heard the most about, has troubled me less than indigestion. About 1 week after starting the Tarceva, I began experiencing PROFOUND indigestion. This comes on most afternoons, and gives me the sensation that I’ve got a giant balloon in my belly, or that I ate 5 pizzas by myself. I begin belching, 3-6 times a minute…constantly, and am in extreme discomfort. This impacts my ability and desire to eat, and because I’ve now skipped or cut short many dinners (including Christmas….now THAT’S not fair!), I’m battling weight loss. (It’s compounded by another digestive issue, one which I’ve now begun to tread with Immodium.)

I can get comfortable if I stretch out on my back in a recliner…but losing hours of most afternoons in this position is losing its appeal…even if I do get to watch more Oprah. I’ve found that eating a very bland diet, avoiding onions, garlic, bananas, raw fruits and veggies, caffeine (NO green tea...dang, that’s anti-carcinogenic) and acidic foods like tomatoes and citrus, helps, but only somewhat. I also make certain I drink at least 2 quarts of water daily. One of my favorite past-times, eating, has lost a lot of pleasure for me. Have you ever tried making a tasty soup without onions or garlic?? It doesn’t help that I must minimize eating of dairy and wheat (no macaroni and cheese!) due to food allergies. (Yes I can eat rice noodles, but I’ve yet to find a yummy mac & cheese w/rice noodles and pretend cheese!) I can eat white rice and applesauce…oh, boy! I tried my usual digestive aid, Papaya tablets, but that didn’t work. After talking to my oncologist, I’ve tried GasX and Maalox, with no improvement.

The side effect I’d heard the most about, skin rash, is not quite as troubling, but getting pretty uncomfortable. I was worried because I’d heard some patients were covered head-to-toe in an itchy rash, and found themselves waking themselves up, scratching and bleeding. My rash has been confined to my face and exhibits as a combination of what looks like acne, and extreme dry skin. The dry skin has actually become red, painful and scaly in a few places, including areas in the creases and corners of my eyes. I’ve been given a prescription for the acne-like rash (mainly to avoid skin infection), and have attempted treating the dryness with Evening Primrose and Vitamin E oils, as well as several good moisturizers. I’m now trying a cream moisturizer, called Udderly Smooth, recommended by the nurse.

I suffer from sudden and severe issues of eyes burning and watering…I’m not always able to determine an immediate cause, but it seems my eyes are more sensitive, just like my digestive tract and my skin. Since permanent eye damage is a potential side effect, I’ve scheduled with an opthamologist.

Oh, yeah…and after managing to grow out a pretty cute thick faux-hawk during non-chemo…I’m re-losing my hair. Oh, well. (This was me a few weeks before I started to re-lose my hair...it got even thicker after this!)


Several nights ago, while dealing with another sleep-deprived night due to indigestion (following a day when I only ate one meal), I decided to ask the doctor for a dosage reduction. Since this post has already gone on long enough, I’ll save some details for later, about why patients want to make CERTAIN they familiarize themselves with the drugs they are taking, what dosages they are available in, and what other meds they interact with! Suffice to say, at this point, that the doctor agreed to an immediate dosage reduction by alternating days on and off my Tarceva pill, until the new reduced Rx arrives via mail order in the next few days. My first day off, day before yesterday, showed promise. My indigestion was MUCH reduced, and I ate 3 full meals 2 days in a row, with improved digestion yesterday, when I had to take the Tarceva (at the higher dose…haven’t yet received the reduced dose.) I even managed to add a small amount of garlic to one meal, and have some fresh fruit with minimal side effects! I’ve been given a prescription for Zantac, which I’ve started taking, until the lower-dose Tarceva arrives.

I hope those who might want an answer to the question of how long I will be in treatment have stuck with me this far, as this is a question I am asked repeatedly. At this point, the plan is to continue with the treatments for 2 or 3 rounds (I’ve yet to confirm) of 3 weeks on 1 week off, before having a scan to see how well the chemo is working. After that, we will continue with the chemo until either there is no sign of cancer, or I must discontinue to due side effects. If I must discontinue, we cross that bridge when we come to it…seeing what other options might be available at that point. I know of some folks who stay on Tarceva for 3 years.

Oh, and back in October, I finally had to get the PleureX catheter installed in my chest. Fluids were building up (called pleural effusion) way too quickly, so I can now drain myself (with MUCH APPRECIATED help from my husband for 1 necessary step.) I drain the catheter every 2-4 days, as symptoms command, usually draining about 400 milliliters. There is some discomfort associated with it, but I can lesson that my draining slowly, and stopping as soon as the pain starts. The pain evidently is related to a change in pressure in my chest as the fluid is removed. I am hopeful that the chemo will work well enough to stop the pleural effusion, allowing me to have the catheter removed so that I can soak in a tub or hot tub, or swim and snorkel when I visit my family in Hawaii.

In the meantime, it’s time to put some meat on these bones, and maybe indulge in a little creativity…these posts are getting WAY TO serious and boring for me!

Where have I been? (Pay-for-delay)

No…I’m not providing a long-overdue update on my treatment. I’ll get around to that one of these days. I’ve yet to share some wonderful...even spiritual...experiences from my December birthday, as well as the news about grandchild number 3, due in June.

What’s finally prompting me to write is my reaction to reading a small piece on page 2 of yesterday’s Union Tribune (San Diego.)

We all have our opinions of what is wrong with our health-care system, and I’ve tended to practice old-fashioned caution about voicing my political opinion, lest I offend friends. And though I KNOW it’s too easy to point the finger at pharmaceutical companies, I’m still shaking my head after reading yesterday’s article, which covered the practice of “pay-for-delay.”

“Pay-for-delay” is a practice whereby a manufacturer of name-brand drugs pays competing manufacturers to withhold marketing of generic equivalent meds, thereby allowing the manufacturer of the name-brand drug to continue to charge name-brand prices past the expiration of the patent. And the company who might otherwise be selling the generic med is able to make millions, for a drug they don't even sell...all while avoiding manufacturing and marketing costs.

Any of you ever taken Cipro? Well, evidently the Supreme Court is scheduled to hear arguments next week against Bayer Corp, the manufacturer of Cipro. Bayer is alledged to have paid competitors $400 million to keep generic versions of Cipro off the market. According to a link I found (after searching “patent expiration Cipro”), Bayer’s patent on Cipro expired in December of 2003.

Even if your meds are covered by insurance, keeping the prices of meds artificially inflated by these back-door deals comes out of ALL of our pockets. In fact, according to an on-line article in The Washington Post (7/29/10), the Federal Trade Commission estimates that the practice of pay-for-delay costs consumers over $3 Billion ANNUALLY.

I watch the news…how could I have missed this story before? Are any of you familiar with this practice?? I’m sure hoping we’ll be hearing shortly that this practice has been officially banned.

Blarf: Dear B of A

I'm frustrated, and don't feel like spending time on B of A's chat to get what SHOULD be a simple, logical answer. I'll bet I'm not the only one asking this question:

Dear B of A rep...I thought I'd easily get an answer by calling your "Customer Service" line with what I thought would be a simple question, followed by a straightforward answer.

THAT was NOT to be, as I've hung up, after waiting on hold for 20 minutes. I'm not up to going through your chat, as my experience with various "customer service" chats supports the idea that doing so on your site would only DOUBLE my frustration as I try to dialog with a rep having probably 20 other "conversations" at the same time.

Question: Do I REALLY have to set up my Bank of America credit card as a "Pay To" account on your site?!

I'm logged in, I can see my account balance and transactions on YOUR site, and I'm being prompted to enter my credit card number TWICE?!

Do you really not provide a link from my credit card statement to simply pay you? I'd think that since credit card companies encourage us to go paperless, they'd make the process EASY. But I guess I'll be providing you with some good old-fashioned paperwork to process when you get my stub and check...that's OK...those checks were getting dusty, anyway.

Signed, Valued Customer "Thank you for holding"

November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month

I am the face of lung cancer:

Here I am, a few months before I became a lung cancer statistic, one of over 215,000 people in the US diagnosed annually with lung cancer.

I received my diagnosis in December of 2008, three days before my 53rd birthday.

What was originally thought to be stage 1 cancer was staged at IV, after surgery to remove the upper lobe in my right lung. 2 years later, I'm still in treatment, still fighting.

According to http://www.lungcancer.org/reading/about.php
“It is the second most diagnosed cancer in men and women (after prostate and breast, respectively), but it is the number one cause of death from cancer each year in both men and women.”

The most immediate question I face, when sharing my story is "Do you smoke?" I am a non-smoker.

Think about it: many of us know people who have smoked for 30 years or more, and THEY DON'T have lung cancer.

According to the Lung Cancer Alliance: Over 60% of new cases are never-smokers or former smokers, MANY of whom quit decades ago.

So, folks--let's get past the stigma, and make the battle against the #1 cancer killer as fashionable as the battle against breast cancer.

Lung cancer kills mommies, too.

HOSPITAL, “THE ENDORPHINATOR” AND MORE TREATMENT

Welllll…..after my last post, I forgive myself for whining! Three days after posting that Blog, I found myself being admitted to Scripps Encinitas Hospital for what ended up being a 4 night “confinement.”

And now, it’s taken me SO long to update my blog, it seems like old news.

On the evening of Sunday, October 3rd, I found myself heading to the Emergency Room. I know I was feeling crummy, because I had my husband drive…I usually do ALL the driving. I had been feeling progressively worse throughout the day, and with an increasing fever, the on-call oncologist recommended I head in. I was given a CT scan, which revealed that my right lung was not functioning at all, and appeared to be surrounded or filled with fluid. I was scheduled for 2 procedures the next day: a bronchoscopy to look inside the lung, and a chest tube insertion to withdraw fluid. It was a LONG night, with my not being placed in a room until around 2 AM.

The bronchoscopy revealed nothing abnormal in the lung; all the fluid was in the pleural cavity (the pleura is a sheath that surrounds the lungs.) I’d already had the pleural cavity drained 4 times before, by a simpler procedure, called a thoracentesis. Normally, I could feel increasing pressure which told me I needed to get the fluid drained, but I hadn’t experienced that sensation this time. Within 2 hours of having the chest tube inserted, I noticed an improvement in my breathing and my energy. That night (Monday) I also had a transfusion because my hemoglobin measurement was low.

I credit the nurses with working with each other after my first night to coordinate the timing of IV hook-ups and changes with vital sign checks. I had many WONDERFUL nurses (RNs and LVNs), and then there was “Bad-attitude Anna,” who acted like everything she did was an imposition. I discovered that venting to my RN resulted in having me removed from Anna’s “care!” There is evidently no reason to put up with an LVN with an attitude!

Contrasting wonderfully with Anna was the staff member (nurse?), named Ben who wheeled me from emergency to my room on the 2nd floor. We conversed during the short (5 minute) trip through the halls and elevator, and he shared that he would be celebrating his birthday that evening, and that his wife would have a homemade carrot-cake, with homemade cream cheese frosting waiting for him at home. Of course, I commented on how wonderful that sounded…but little did I suspect that he would seek me out the next day to bring me a piece of his birthday cake! I think I made some of his co-workers jealous!

Another high point was a visit by a “Pet Ambassador,” an English Bulldog named “That One,” who was dressed up for Halloween as “The Endorphin-ator.” Isn’t he adorable!

As a result of my hospital stay, I got several “2nd opinions.” My right lung did not fully re-inflate after the fluid was removed, but that has evidently been the case after the prior thoracentesis procedures. My lung re-inflated by about 75%. This is sometimes called a trapped lung; the accumulation of fluid in the pleural space causes the lung to compress, and not re-expand, even after the fluid is removed. Four different doctors are still unable to come to a consensus as to the source of the blood I have been coughing up, since the fluid is building up in the area OUTSIDE the lung . Whatever the cause, surgery isn’t a reasonable investigative or corrective option, because I have active cancer.

The chest tube was removed Wednesday night 10/6, after draining about 1.8 liters from the right pleural space, with an understanding that the likelihood is high that the fluid will re-accumulate; it’s just a matter of when. I was told that if the pleural space refilled soon, I might consider having a semi-permanent pleural catheter (a PleureX catheter) installed, which would enable me to drain the fluid myself. Initially, one of my doctors indicated I needed to have it done before being discharged, but my thoracic surgeon fortunately recommended otherwise. This was something I need some time to digest and accept.

I was released Thursday afternoon, craving FRESH air, home-style cooking and undisturbed sleep.

Upon my discharge, I started keeping a daily log of my health, because I had noticed how hard it was to report on the chronology of symptoms based only on my memory. I felt wonderful and renewed for about a week. Unfortunately, within that time, I started observing that some of the symptoms were returning, starting with some wheezing and coughing (of blood.)

This past Thursday, two weeks after being discharged from the hospital, I had to have another liter of fluid drained from the pleural space. Fortunately, that fluid will be useful in determining the next line of treatment. A “cell block” spun from the fluid will be sent to a lab to look for tumor markers, which will enable a more targeted approach to my next chemo med. Not all patients with lung cancer exhibit the same tumor markers, and the presence of some markers indicates a stronger likelihood of response to specific chemo treatments.

I’ve spent all or part of the last 4 nights sleeping in the recliner. Last night, I was very discouraged; as the wheezing and fluid build-up was severe enough that I struggled to sleep even in the recliner…leaning against my back seems to exacerbate the problem. It’s almost a feeling of drowning in chest fluid, and the sound of fluid is audible to my husband next to me. I felt this sensation occasionally prior to going into the hospital. I finally managed to sleep for maybe 2 hours at a time (after midnight), going between the bed and the recliner. It wasn’t quite so bad on Friday, when I left a message for my oncologist, indicating I need to know who to direct my questions regarding the PleureX catheter. Unfortunately, he was out on Friday, and my symptoms worsened since then. So, the next step is to give another call to the oncologist’s office: I don’t want to wait until his usual late afternoon phone calls. I need to move ahead and get this fluid out so I can get some rest.

I wish the news was better, but I can manage to close on a humorous note. Those of you in my age group (and older) know that wearing reading glasses becomes an unfortunate necessity, as our arms get shorter and shorter (uh-huh.) It’s useful for some, including my husband, to have several pairs of glasses, as it makes it easier to find a pair when you need them. (uh-huh, yeah right…)

Well…it should work that way, but I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t hear my husband ask “where are my glasses” as he searches various rooms (in our very small house!) Unfortunately for him, he’s married to an easily amused and somewhat irreverent woman who embraces humor where it can be found. Look what I found in his office one day! I felt compelled to line them up for this snapshot, which I call “Where’s my Glasses?” (He wasn’t looking for them that day!)

LUNG CANCER WHINE

Well, PHOOEY…The best “F” word I can come up with now. I had such a wonderful time with my daughter and her family, AND her husband’s family these past few weeks, and I know I’ll be ready to share all the sweets on that later, but right now I’m “PH-n” grumpy. I know blogging right now is more like BLARFING, but if I can’t be honest here, where can I be? I guess I feel like my body is making my life a little prickly right now.

Hubby is out on a biological survey right now, and I’d normally be in creative mode, but I’m having a hard time concentrating with these flippin’ side effects.

NOTE WARNING: The following paragraphs contain details of symptoms which MAY set off the stomachs of some queasy folks (Renee, this might mean you!...I’m coughing, and it’s icky.) I share the following information 1) In order to hopefully help anyone else dealing with chemo or lung, (or other cancers), 2) to help my friends understand why I am laying a little low right now, and 3) so they can admire me for being so brave…oh, just kidding, but SEE…blogging is helping restore my humor already.

READ on, or skip forward to where you see: “SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”

NO, thank goodness I’m NOT nauseous. But, crap, this year I’ve had so many digestive and breathing issues. Something in my body has changed, possibly the lining of my stomach and lungs, but I have to be SO careful about the quantity and mixtures of food I eat, otherwise, I spend the evening like I am tonight, CONSTANTLY salivating (for over 6 hours now), belching, coughing (including some blood), and spitting so I don’t swallow a bunch of gas by repeatedly swallowing. Not being able to eat as much or as frequently as I'd need to or like to is frustrating...I'm trying NOT to lose any more weight!

The coughing up of blood is something that has been occurring for maybe 6 months, and I’ve been through various tests to determine the source, with no conclusive answers. The cancer isn’t growing, according to the scans. One possibility for the bleeding is that the chemo is attacking the “infected tissue.” I mean, I look pretty healthy, ‘tho my stamina doth sucketh. (I joined some friends on-stage at a performance recently, and I could either sing or I could dance along, but I couldn’t move AND sing! Also, I was able to play ping-pong with my daughter and granddaughters recently (short rallies), but chasing the ball REALLY took it out of me.)

I know you’d rather see a photo of my daughter or granddaughter, but I’d better get permission before going there!

Anyway, the coughing up of blood issue waxes and wanes, usually subject to treatment, but this last time it didn’t clear up before my next chemo, so I started at a disadvantage. What this means is that I sleep with a pile of about 5 or 6 pillows, and usually only on my left side. This has been the standard for MONTHS. Sleeping on my right side or back generally generates coughing. Sometimes (like last night), I have to sleep in the recliner.

Also, the coughing and spitting isn’t limited to night-time, and sometimes it’s almost spasmodic. I carry a jar/spittoon around, and I’m very self-conscious about grossing people out. The coughing, spitting, and congestion sometimes can make it VERY difficult to talk.

“SAFE TO READ FROM HERE!”Between being self-conscious and having problems breathing/talking, I find myself getting a bit behind on my communications. I try to talk to my daughters and granddaughters when I can, of course, but sometimes that’s the only phone call I make during the day. I grab the time when my body decides to go along with my wishes.
So say a little prayer for my patience and my body…I KNOW this will pass, it has before, but I’m sure uncomfortable now. (I haven’t been able to paint or journal right now, and I’m working on a special video project for a friend, so nothing but photos to share for now.)

Creative Enlightenment, 101

My hair is growing back, though a bit more slowly on top, and baby-fine! I asked my friend to take pics of me this weekend. This is just one of a few nice shots she got.

I continue to follow the ebb and flow of my 3-week chemo schedule. I’m about mid-way through, feeling pretty decent, and knowing I’ll be feeling better as I approach my next treatment. It’s just wonderful to have my energy back—-to have time to feather the nest AND indulge in creativity. All the better, as I excitedly await the arrival of my older daughter, and her family, including my 2 granddaughters. Since they all live in Hawaii, I only get to see them twice a year. Yes-yes--I know, "Hawaii is a great place to visit family", but I’d rather be able to see my granddaughters every week!

Creatively, (and otherwise) I tend to work on multiple projects at each sitting, doing one step on one project, setting it aside and picking up another, and another. (It’s part of my personal “style” in other areas, and maybe not very productive!) Dream Garden was a project I started months ago, and it wasn’t working for me. After enjoying the effects of adding a MUCH larger image bit to “Pet Your Sunflowers”, I tried the same approach by adding the magazine cut-out of pink flowers flowing from the top. It helped immensely, but I was ready to move on. I’ve committed myself to posting my progressive work on my blog, so after adding a little verse to the piece, I pronounce it “complete” and am ready to turn the page of my journal.

Sleepless in Del Dios” was also started months ago when I was having nightly sleep issues. It started with doodling on black gesso, where it languished for many weeks, as I looked at the project and found NOTHING else to inspire, until I found an ad for a prescription sleep aid. Then-more waiting for inspiration, until I found the shimmering flower image from a card I’d received, followed by the tissue. Again, I consider this more of a learning experience (as in “a page of the same doodle is more cohesive than a bunch of random ones”).

I’ve wanted to delve more into digital art and use my scanner. I was THRILLED when I bought my HP ScanJet for a dollar at a local garage sale, but then found I was disappointed with the image quality when scanning 300 dpi JPEGs. While reviewing a 2005 issue of “Cloth, Paper, Scissors” (anyone else find inspiration in that publication?) I found the recommendation to scan images in as 600 dpi .tif files.

What an improvement! So now, instead of photographing my work, I’m scanning it in! AND I went back to a reference book from my Photoshop class to straighten out one of the images that had scanned crookedly! AND, while I was reviewing my class notes, I also experimented with creating a line drawing from a photographic image. Oh, yeah, AND I learned how to use my images in text to create my new banner (above: “HalfRaven.”) I am obviously easily pleased, and sense that I’ll be testing out many new techniques for working with my photos and scanned images.

I stumbled upon this link a couple of weeks back. The artist’s name is Ben Heine, and he calls his work “Pencil vs. Camera.” I’ve NEVER seen anything like this, and I sure wish I was talented enough with pen or pencil to try and emulate it, but I DO find it inspiring. I know you will too!

"There is not one blade of grass, there is not one color in this world that is not intended to make us rejoice" John Calvin

Of family and facials…

I’m slowly emerging from my chemo cocoon, having spent most of the extended weekend in bed. Monday, I was able to wield the broom upon our entry, which was more pleasurable than it might sound. The lake glinted silver and blue, the birds swooped and dove, and a hint of fall sent me in for another layer before continuing with my chore. I rewarded myself after my half-hour workout by sitting in the sun watching the holiday boaters, letting the breeze provide the perfect balance to the sun’s warmth. In spite of (or because of) my energetic start to the day, I found myself ready for a 2-hour nap before noon.

After snoozing, I was eager to start catching up on the lost hours from the previous days, but I knew I needed to pace myself. I called my Mom-in-law before heading to the market. Gloria is an active 87-year old, who still kicks butt on the pool table. (That’s her pool cue in its case in the back seat of her car.) She regularly exercises her expertise in worrying about “us kids,” so I find myself cautiously navigating the conversational waters regarding my cancer. I personally find the level of worry interesting, for one of “the faithful,” but it is a comforting thought to know she’s praying for us every evening.

Monday’s conversation was upbeat and somehow we landed on the topic of pampering ourselves, via massage, pedicures and other body treatments. I’ve been spoiled in that the only massages I’ve had have been in-home. Currently, neither massage nor pedicure costs are expenses I spring for, but it’s hardly a hardship.

One treatment we both pondered over is the facial. Call me a dinosaur, but what’s the big deal about facials? Even when my income was decent, I couldn’t get myself revved up to plop down $100+ to have someone massage stuff on my face, especially when I have a masseuse who can do my whole body for less than that. I mean, how many nerve endings are there in my face, and how long can the “facial high” last? I’m still holding the gift certificate one sweetly-intentioned friend gave me 2 years ago for a “chemical peel!” I know they don’t use battery acid, but this doesn’t sound like anything I would want to do to any part of my body, let alone my face. Of course, someone with a cupboard full of brown rice and quinoa is probably not likely to do anything to themselves that has the word “chemical” so obviously involved.

At any rate, it was a sweet conversation, bonding with Gloria. (I’ve only been married to her son for a little over 2 years.) I lost my Mom last February 20th (2009)…less than 2 days later, Gloria lost her husband, Willie, of 50+ years. My Mom had been suffering from Alzheimer’s, but her trip down what was expected to be a long, slow path was halted by a stroke. Willie’s passing was not unexpected, as he’d been suffering from congestive heart failure for several years. Nevertheless, last year was a tough one for Gloria.

So, it was heart-warming to capture this moment last June, 4 months after the passing of my father-in-law. My brother-and-sis-in-law like to add a little friendly competition to our gatherings, via the game of “washers.” Everyone has their own style, and Gloria’s funny-bone was certainly tickled by the delivery of my sis-in-law’s sister, Lollie. I can’t watch this video without smiling!

Back to Monday evening, where I treated myself to a personal massage of my legs and feet, using only essential oils and 100% natural lotion (all recognizable ingredients) while viewing “national treasures” on ANTIQUES ROADSHOW. The older I get, the simpler my simple pleasures get.

Finally, I’d like to share another artistically inspiring link. Susan Tuttle’s images require no words. I’m MUCH more tempted to spend $130 on her “Visual Poetry” (digital alteration) workshops than on a facial!